Also this issue: Searching for Zen Local electronic label Zenapolæ will not go looking for you. -Sean O’Neal Tom Keifer -A.D. Amorosi DJ Nights -Sean O'Neal Sneaker Pimps -A.D. Amorosi Aereogramme -Paul Burress

July 5-11, 2002

music

Summer Monster

The package tour -- something wicked this way comes.

“The Hollyweird World Tour,” featuring Poison, Cinderella, Winger, Faster Pussycat

Kingdom: Hairspray Rock

Phylum: Nostalgia

Class: Low

Plumage: Feathered heads, patched jackets, scarves everywhere.

Migratory habits: Downward spiral into drunkenness and despair.

Defining behavior: Kicking into the air, jumping off of things, spitting, playing interchangeable glam metal songs, DTs.

Habitat: Behind the Music.

Adaptive ability: Does not respond to changes in climate, yet refuses to die. Attempts to adapt (like Faster Pussycat's 2001 techno remix album) are often met with embarrassing but nonfatal failure.

Courtship behavior: "Talk Dirty to Me." Interested suitors usually respond with "woo."

Special powers: Apparent temporal delusion allows the monster to pretend it's 1987 again.

Weaknesses: Ladies, cars, Bud in cans.

Field notes: Do not be too afraid when approaching this creature, it's merely searching for a good time, something to believe in and a thorn-free rose. Still, it's wise to keep your distance, lest your companions realize you know all the words to "Unskinny Bop," or worse, anything by Winger.

Expected arrival point: Wed., July 10, 6 p.m., $39.50, Tower Theater, 69th and Ludlow sts., Upper Darby, 215-336-2000, www.electricfactory.com.

—Patrick Rapa