The Bell Curve

City Paper’s weekly gauge of Philly’s Quality of Life

Elderly mobster Raymond "Long John" Martorano seriously wounded in shooting in Center City. Luckily his nickname proves to be inaccurate; those weren’t his knees they were aiming for. Minus 1

Police sergeant charged with stealing empty beer kegs from site of Pier 34 collapse in 2000 and selling them to a distributor. Internal Affairs now inquiring whether recently suspended Capt. Brady and Capt. DiLacqua were involved, and whether the kegs really were empty. Plus 1

Philly man believed to be oldest living World War I vet celebrates 107th birthday. By soundly defeating a bag of Kaiser rolls. Plus 1

Former head of local Civil War museum convicted of scamming relative out of a valuable Confederate uniform. What do you expect in such a pro-Union town? Plus 1

Casey and Rendell campaigns trade criticisms over Rendell ad that showed military medals the candidate had never earned. Wait till Casey sees the one where Rendell claims he wrote half of the White Album. Minus 2

City health commissioner resigns, apparently out of frustration with bureaucracy. Resignation stuck in committee, forcing him to stay on job at least through summer. Minus 3

Eagles crush Bears and advance to NFC championship game. WIP SportsRadio still wants Ricky Williams. Plus 5

Mayor announces plans to keep nine public schools open evenings and weekends. Students announce plans to declare Street "totally suck-ass." Plus 2

City government has grown by 352 full-time positions under Street administration, Daily News reports. Mayor Street: battling unemployment one relative at a time. Minus 4

Total pluses: 10
Total minuses:108
Score for the week: 0
Last week’s score: 0