Fore, Norsemen!

Finding a kindred spirit in a Playstation game.



Warlord of the manor: The author (with the axe) debates whether to free the Wendol or fulfill his duties as a father and husband.

Like most spiritual constructs, reincarnation has never really appealed to me. The unknowable can stay that way, as far as I’m concerned. I got things to do. But recently the gods delivered unto me a smack in the head in the form of Rune: Viking Warlord (Humanhead Studios, Playstation 2, $49.99). See, I am Ragnar, the warlord in question. Or I was, in a past life. Seems I was a bit taller then, and a lot brawnier (I don’t think my current incarnation could lug around a dozen different weapons without ever tiring, or heal instantly after drinking some mead), but other than that, we’re like practically the same guy.

My wife fails to see the similarities (how did she put it? oh yeah: "Uh-huh. Hey, did you pick up milk like I asked you?") but what do women know of the bond between warriors like Ragnar and me? We both live for the thrill of hacking off a berzerker’s arm with a sword, or decimating goblins by the dozens with a big-ass mother of a mace. (The bloody footprints we leave behind are a nice touch.) And we both totally hate the evil god Loki and Conrack, his human accomplice, who, well, did something or other to piss off Odin and make this whole big mess that Ragnar and I have to sort out — and by sort out I mean run around and slaughter everything that moves.

The journey is long and arduous, and becomes progressively more difficult; every time Ragnar and I have become bored with killing a particular type of enemy (after a while the skeletons seemed like they were made out of toothpicks, and the goblins from gelatin), some new weird thing has emerged to kick our Norse ass — temporarily, at least (thank Odin for memory cards!) — and keep the mission interesting.

Time and again, however, we have triumphed, putting to full use the increasingly terrifying weapons we find and, recently, the shocking new powers we acquired after facing Conrack and… suffice it to say that we’ve been staying up long past the hour at which warriors with jobs and kids should retire for the night. But who can sleep when evil runs amok throughout the land? Especially when slaying evil’s minions is so damn much fun?