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Also this issue: Welcome to the Pub:
Mary Ellen and Chris Mullins Homeware for the Holidays:
Ken Foster Its Your Party Carm, All Ye Faithful The Feasting Begins Maxis minis World Party |
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December 12-18, 2002
cover story
 Semi-circle of friends: (L-R) Delilah Winder, Valerie Ferguson, Melonease Shaw and Wanda Paul share a laugh at Loews Hotel in Center City. Photo By: Michael T. Regan |
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If ever a personal philosophy radiated universal truth and made a world of common sense, it is the late Elsie de Wolfes straightforward interpretation of good taste as Suitability! Suitability! Suitability! Although de Wolfe, Americas first female professional interior decorator, was talking about design, her practical credo goes to the heart of the holiday season: A successful celebration is the one that is right for you -- a fete that fits into your life. For Valerie Ferguson, regional vice president and managing director of Loews Philadelphia Hotel, and Melonease Shaw, executive vice president of PRWT, a transaction service company, this means spending time with female friends -- despite the energy required to juggle schedules and men and marriages. We dont stress about it; we just do, says Shaw.
Their inner Christmas circle includes Delilah Winder, owner of bluezette and Delilah's Southern Cuisine, and Wanda Paul, CFO of the Philadelphia Convention and Visitors Bureau. "There are no 40-hour work weeks here," says Ferguson of her friends. "That's why we appreciate our time together. After an 80- or 90-hour week, we can sit down and just let go -- and there's a lot to let go." Ferguson says that the kind of conversations she has with her family and the kind she can have with her friends are different entities. "There's a different level of intimacy," she explains. "I may speak to my mother several times a week, but I call these women every day to talk about nothing." For Shaw, making the time to be with her friends, especially during the holidays, helps to keep her balanced despite extensive work commitments. "These ladies, my friends, gave me back the spirit of Christmas in my life. Because of them, I was able to commit to the holidays; I bought a tree and started collecting ornaments."
Their annual celebration, which takes place at Ferguson’s home (the group’s appointed “hostess diva” with the “best feathered nest,” says Shaw), features a big meal. “Food is always heavy during this season,” says Ferguson, “and we are no exception. I also think that sharing a major meal slows you down; it gives you a chance to savor the moment and the conversation.” The friends may be a little fuzzy on the details (like what day they will get together and what will be on the menu when they do), but their intention is clear: a day devoted to eating, drinking and talking, peppered with great music. “There will be a few standards -- like my fried chicken drumettes, Delilah’s hot crab dip with toasted brioche and a chopped vegetable salad. But everyone just brings a favorite dish or two,” Ferguson explains. “Last year, we drank champagne and ate caviar and thought we were the bomb; I looked around, thinking that it doesn’t get any better than this, and I was happy to be me.”
Valerie Ferguson and Melonease Shaw on What's Important During the Holidays
[hip hop] The love of friends -- especially our girlfriends. No matter who else may be in our lives, we need to stay in touch with our female friends.
[hip hop] The love of life -- that your friends can help restore if you have lost your faith.
[hip hop] The need to share -- even if its something small. If you are not giving, you are not living.
Do Unto Yourself
"We split our time between our friends and our family without a sense of guilt. It feels natural: I look around at my friends and think, ŒI'm supposed to be here now.'" --Melonease Shaw
All too often, celebrating the holidays can mean creating a double life, splitting time between family and friends until you feel like there is nothing left for yourself. While Christmas appears to be the perfect time for a family reunion, the sad truth is that many transplants (who have moved more than a car or local train ride away) find themselves spending too much money and time traveling to sleep in less-than-comfortable accommodations so that they can participate in a celebration that no longer has the same significance in their lives. Whatever the individual scenario (say you are a new parent, reluctant to uproot small children, or a single, shifting attention away from your biological family towards your bond-family), it doesn't take a shrink to figure out that this is a dilemma-inducing decision -- although you might need therapy before you're done. Making the choice to celebrate the holidays in your own home is never easy, and almost everyone who has ever tried takes a position -- at least for the first time -- somewhere between a rock (you can't please everyone) and a hard place (you can't be in two places at the same time).
As a former "Social Graces" columnist for Town & Country magazine, I may be unduly concerned with the etiquette of adult life. But I am certainly not alone. I know, because Agnes and Amelia told me so. They're the two grandmothers (ages 64 and 71, respectively) who run Clutching Our Pearls, a blog devoted to dishing out etiquette advice. They responded to my posting on this subject with all kinds of reassurances.
"You are perfectly in your own right to start your own personal traditions," they counseled, adding that the most important thing is to be honest about your wishes. But, they added, it's important not to cut family out altogether, and recommended other ways to include them in "your holiday experience." (You can ask Agnes and Amelia yourself: www.pearlclutching.blogspot.com.)
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