Also this issue: Welcome to the Pub: Mary Ellen and Chris Mullins Girlfriends: Valerie Ferguson and Melonease Shaw Homeware for the Holidays: Ken Foster Its Your Party Everything else you need to know about holiday entertaining. The Feasting Begins A round of restaurant parties ushers in the holidays with panache. -Maxine Keyser Maxis minis -Maxine Keyser World Party Local restaurants take cues from Italy, Cuba and the U.S. of A. -David Warner

December 12-18, 2002

cover story

Carm, All Ye Faithful

How to celebrate the holidays Sopranos-style.(Menu and recipe adapted from The Sopranos Family Cookbook)

by Elisa Ludwig

It’s nearing Christmas, and another season of The Sopranos has come to an end. Pop culture logic dictates that ye best be taking advantage of the promotional tie-ins. The Sopranos Family Cookbook and Artie Bucco’s Food Gift Set are sure to be delivered this holiday with all the swiftness and frequency of Tony’s justice. Thanks to HBO, these products allow us to share in all that is good about The Sopranos and all that is right with Christmas -- namely, food.

Our fascination with suburban mobsters can more than partially be attributed to the vicarious pleasures of watching them eat. Over the course of the show's four seasons there have been countless meals of meatballs, espressos and ricotta pie. Enough Chianti to make an unruly associate talk too much. Enough of Artie's osso buco to knock out the careless loudmouth. And enough macaroni to tie up the cadaver in a neat little package.

But those who watched this season's finale might have noticed something strange. For the first time, the family cupboards were bare. Early in the episode, a Chinese takeout order arrived missing orange peel beef and portending an hour of coming sorrows. As Tony and Carmela's relationship hit the rocks, their expansive kitchen became the battleground. As if to stake out her territory, Carmela tried to bar Tony from the refrigerator. But he kept on rummaging, never finding anything except for a jar of Guiltless Gourmet salsa he dejectedly spooned in front of the television. Meadow, reflecting on her parents' separation, flash-backed to a time when she burst out of the kitchen complaining there was nothing to eat in the house. But her feelings of despair, she realized, sobbing, were more true now than they had been then. Even at Vesuvio, his customary napkin tucked into shirt collar, Tony complained to Artie that the pasta was not al dente.

Broken homes and empty fridges are no way to celebrate the holiday. Better to rent the last three seasons on DVD and make your own Sopranos holiday party, recalling better times. Times when Tony and Carmela lived in ignorant bliss, times when a little escarole could bring the family together. The suggestion is to overcompensate: Imagine the amount of food Charmaine made for Jackie Junior's memorial and triple it. After all, we are real live people, not television characters and all that shopping for Sarah Jessica Parker-inspired handbag knockoffs has left us empty inside.

Using The Sopranos Family Cookbook as a guide, cook up some Sunday gravy and cuddle up by the fireplace to watch Paulie and Christopher get trapped in the frozen Pine Barrens. Snack on Neapolitan-style stuffed peppers and remember Tony's visit to the old country, long before Furio crossed the pond and stole Carmela's heart. Sample creamy tortoni as Junior flings lemon meringue at Bobbi. Whatever you do, make sure there's lots of food.

For a true Sopranos Christmas fete, trade in your traditional holiday dishes for some Bucco-styled classics. Calamari ripieni -- squid stuffed with parsley and breadcrumbs in tomato and red wine sauce -- has got to count for at least one of the seven traditional fishes for Christmas Eve dinner. Add in linguine with clam sauce, octopus in tomato sauce and baccalà pizzaiola (salt cod, pizzamaker’s style) and you’re more than halfway there.

Toss that indigestible fruitcake and whip up some rum cake and struffoli (honey balls with candied fruit peel) instead. Follow it up with loads of red wine, espresso and grappa -- but save the Armagnac for another night. Send out invitations on Bada Boom! cocktail napkins. Pump up the contemporary Christian tunes à la Janice. Invite a reluctant friend to dress up as Santa. Lock your pets in a spare bedroom so your no-good nephew doesn’t accidentally use them as cushions, and make sure any disgruntled ex-girlfriends are out of town.

Milk your Sopranos holiday party for all it’s worth. Because once the cable network visions are no longer dancing in your head, it’ll be time to start thinking about how to fill your Sunday evenings until September.

Holiday Menu

Linguine alla Vongole

Baccalà Pizzaiola

Polipetti in Salsa di Pomodoro

Calamari Ripieni

Rum Cake

Struffoli

Sunday Gravy

2 tbsp. olive oil

1 lb. meaty pork neck bones or spareribs

1 lb. veal stew meat or 2 veal shoulder chops

1 lb. Italian plain or fennel pork sausages

4 garlic cloves

1/4 cup tomato paste

Three 28- to 35-oz. cans Italian peeled tomatoes

2 cups water

Salt and freshly ground black pepper

6 fresh basil leaves, torn into small pieces

To serve:

1 lb. shells or rigatoni, cooked and still hot

Freshly grated Pecorino Romano or Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese

Heat the oil in a large heavy pot over medium heat. Pat the pork dry and put the pieces in the pot. Cook, turning occasionally, for about 15 minutes, or until nicely browned on all sides. Transfer the pork to a plate. Brown the veal the same way and add it to the plate.

Place the sausages in the pot and brown on all sides. Set the sausages aside with the pork.

Drain off most of the fat from the pot. Add the garlic and cook for about 2 minutes or until golden. Remove and discard the garlic. Stir in the tomato paste and cook for 1 minute.

With a food mill, puree the tomatoes with their juice into the pot. Or, for a chunkier sauce, just chop up the tomatoes and add them. Add the water and salt and pepper to taste. Add the pork, veal and sausages and basil and bring the sauce to a simmer. Partially cover the pot and cook on low heat, stirring occasionally, for 2 hours. If the sauce becomes too thick, add a little more water.

To serve, remove the meats from the sauce and set aside. Toss the cooked pasta with the sauce. Sprinkle with cheese. Serve the meats as a second course or reserve them for another day.

The Sopranos Family Cookbook, As Compiled by Artie Bucco, written by Allen Rucker, recipes by Michele Scicolone. Warner Books, 200 pp., $29.95.