Also this issue: This is Punk? He's a former prep school outcast with degrees in science and education. He’s Adam Goren -- a.k.a. Atom and his Package -- underground rock’s most visceral satirist. -Patrcik Rapa and Photos By Micheal T. Regan

February 20-26, 2003

cover story

Ten Best Atom and his Package songs

by Patrick Rapa

10. “Happy Birthday, Ralph”

A Society of People Named Elihu

A humorous paean to Adam Goren's pal Ralph Darden, who used to lead Philly rock mainstay Franklin -- a band Atom and His Package frequently toured with. You'd think Goren's frequent insertion of his friends' names into his songs would be a turnoff, but his descriptive lyrics and universal themes keep everything from becoming a big in-joke.

Sample lyric: "Happy Birthday, Ralph/ I love you!/ Even though you are fucking disgusting."

9. “Does Anyone Else in This Room Want to Marry His or Her Own Grandmother?”

Attention! Blah Blah Blah

Goren honoring the woman who cuts out crosswords for him so he has something to do between sound check and showtime. No, he doesn't really want to marry her.

Sample lyric: "Stay old with me and I'll get old with you."

8. “What WE Do On Christmas”

Making Love

Conspiracy farce about Jewish people meeting up every Christmas to run the world.

Sample lyric: "Got introduced to the network at my bar mitzvah. / Got my code name and number is 16761. / While you're sitting around the tree and that knockoff menorah./ You're idle./ We work./ Justice is done!/ Princess Di, we killed her!/ El Niño, we made it! / Reggie White is stupid./ Billy Joel, let's trade him!"

7. “Mustache T.V.”

Attention! Blah Blah Blah

Ode to (and instructions for) a cheap, effective way to make watching television a more comforting, entertaining experience. It's simple, really: Just draw a mustache on a piece of Scotch tape and stick it on the middle of your TV screen. It works especially well with CNN.

Sample lyric: "We're improving television on the space above the lip./ It's the mustache!/ It's the mustache!/ Put it on your TV screen, it'll make you feel better."

6. “(Lord It’s Hard to Be Happy When You’re Not) Using The Metric System”

Making Love

Goren's enthusiasm for a topic is catchy: Most punk kids probably never thought about the English system of measurement, but this song's speedy rock melody and stirring lyrics consistently has them singing for its abolishment.

Sample lyric: "The revolution's here!/ We must overcome at last!/ As we symbolically stick their fucking Œfoot' up their fucking ass."

5. “Anarchy Means I Litter”

Redefining Music

Indictment of people who look like punks but act like assholes.

Sample lyric: "If you're flying the flag/ and you're naming the name/ then you're setting back the ones who know how to behave."

4. “Hats Off to Halford”

Making Love

Salute to former Judas Priest frontman Rob Halford for being openly gay in the notoriously intolerant heavy metal subculture. The guitar riffs are appropriately over the top.

Sample lyric: "Ooh I love for everyone in heavy metal to be homosexual,/ if not just to make the Nazi fucking pricks in Slayer a little uncomfortable."

3. “Philadelphia”

A Society of People Named Elihu

The city, for better or for worse.

Sample lyric: "I sit at Rittenhouse Park and see a guy from TimeCycle/ give the finger to a passing motorist and it kind of makes me smile./ It's the City of Brotherly Love/ and crime./ And we only bombed our own city once, one time."

2. “If You Own The Washington Redskins, You’re A Cock”

Redefining Music

Goren railing against racist sports team names.

Sample lyric: "When it comes to Native American-nicknamed teams/ Even within the context of sports it's awful, and mean / And you'll go wah wah wah, you're so PC, and I will say hey wait/ remind me again how it came to be that being the stupid American is a desirable trait."

1. “Punk Rock Academy”

A Society of People Named Elihu

A fan favorite, "Punk Rock Academy" is Goren's "I Have a Dream" fight song, envisioning an asshole-free high school. Or at least one where all the assholes are punk. The bridge inexplicably steals from Eddie Money's "Take Me Home Tonight."

Sample lyric: "If all of us hated high school so much, why was nothing ever changed?/ So I called Brian up, with my plan that's red hot./ We founded a private institution in the name of punk rock./ We got some government funding and our own private road/ And 666 for our radio snow code."