Getting, Uh, What?

David and Larry are about to toss down serious dollars to invite a horde of people to witness an act thatíll change their lives -- and they still donít even know what to call it.

Chances are you know of David, who's not often at a loss for words. Until recently David Warner was editor of City Paper. He and his partner of a decade, Larry Biddle, moved to Vermont. David continues to write and act and Larry is raising money for Howard Dean.

Thanks in part to Dean, Vermont is about to grant David and Larry a civil union. But that doesn't mean they're getting married on Saturday. Some could even argue they're getting screwed.

A civil union inside of Vermont offers some of the advantages of a marriage. In matters of adoption, custody, discrimination, health care, property, probate and taxes, David and Larry will be treated like any other married couple. But that's only as long as the two stay in Vermont. In a real sense, Larry and David will be captives of their adopted state because outside its borders, they get nothing.

No tax, no immigration and no Social Security rights. Nada. In fact, their civil union could get them less than nothing. It could become a serious liability. If they were to leave Vermont and subsequently seek a "divorce," they couldn't get one.

It's a Catch-22 with No Exit. Since other states don't recognize the union, they can't undo it. Yet, they'd have to dissolve their union to form another domestic partnership. By Vermont law, that means at least one would have to reside in the state for a year.

You have to wonder how many other couples might balk at this long leap of faith. So how do Larry and David characterize what they are doing?

"The operative verb," writes David in a Vermont newsweekly, "is 'join' -- as in 'Larry and David will be joined in civil union.'"

So for a while Larry and David were saying to friends, "We're getting unionized," striking a blow for love and labor. Recently, though, David told me of a new phrase to describe his upcoming state of marital affairs. The jeweler helping them pick out their rings for the civil union ceremony said simply, "Oh, you're getting civilized."

Imagine "Just Civilized" scrawled across the back window of a car trailing tin cans -- an object lesson in faith, love and devotion for all.

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