October 23-29, 2003

pretzel logic

FuCKED

by Howard Altman

It is just after 7, the sky is purple and orange and I am on the hunt for nova lox, which is very important to have when you are serving bagels and cream cheese.

I am on the way to buy the finest nova lox, over at the Famous.

David Auspitz, the owner whose daughter is a colleague, has a big smile for this hour and I don't have the heart to tell him who the nova is for.

Auspitz, a white Jew, is a John Street guy, as are many white Jews I know.

The nova is for Sam Katz. Who is also a white Jew, who many white Jews won't support.

The guy I coach baseball with is a black guy who supports Katz, the white Jew. Go figure.

Katz is coming to the office on the morning of the last debate to tell City Paper's editorial board -- a motley crew consisting at this early hour of Deborah Bolling, Daryl Gale, Brian Hickey, Helen i-lin Hwang, Mike Regan, Amy Webb and yours truly -- why we should endorse him for mayor.

Just about 8, Katz emerges from the Katzmobile and already, he looks tired.

If I knew it would be like this, I would have said fuck it, he says in an unguarded moment on the ride up in the elevator.

And who could blame him?

Ever since Oct. 7, when Philly cops swept the mayor's office for listening devices, the campaign story line has devolved into The Bug That Ate Katz.

Everywhere he goes, it's all about the probe.

The elevators open up and Katz walks in to a feast. He sits down and asks for some coffee, which I'd forgotten to get.

So I go to the kitchen, pull a cup out of the dish drain and place it under the coffeemaker. Fifty cents later, the cup is barely half full, so I pull a smaller cup out of the dish drain and transfer the coffee to make it look a little nicer.

This isn't about money, it's about time. Katz is waiting and I don't want to have to fumble around for more coffee and wait for it to brew.

None of this would be worth mentioning, except that the mug I serve to Katz bears the word FuCKED on one side and Company on the other.

But I don't notice this until he hoists the mug to take a sip. I keep a poker face as all I see is the word FuCKED.

Which -- even as he speaks rather passionately (for him) about why Street's knock on his tax plan is bogus and how he will change the Culture of Can't -- speaks volumes about the status of his campaign. (And it makes for one hell of a picture. See Mike Regan's The Shot.)

His opponent is the subject of a federal investigation but, this being Philly, the probe is skewering not Street, but Katz.

And despite the fact that there are Jews who support blacks and blacks who support Jews, this whole thing is getting racially fugly. Katz, who started out managing the congressional campaign of Bill Gray, is now lumped in undeservedly with COINTELPRO.

Adding to Katz's misery is the fact that more questions are being asked about his failed business deal that led to a civil suit accusing him of embezzlement.

I pump him with a few questions of my own, asking repeatedly for Katz -- a guy who has otherwise been amazingly forthright and accessible -- to reveal to the public the contents of the depositions he would like sealed.

After a while, he tires of the question.

Have you asked the mayor to give you all the documents the FBI has asked for? But you are asking me to give you all the transcripts?

Yes, I answer. I asked the mayor 16 -- I counted them -- 16 questions about the probe in a little less than an hour. Of course I am going to ask you. (See online version for the full interview.)

Like everyone else in this city, I don't get much further with Katz than I do with Street.

At least the inquiry is good debate prep for Katz, not that he cares much.

To him, the big debate is more political obligation than turning point.

It is a joint appearance by two candidates, he says of the impending event, to be hosted by Channel 6 at the Constitution Center in less than 11 hours. It is not a debate at all. It is totally stupid. It is not a big night at all.

At the debate, Katz lives up to his expectations. At best, he scratches out a draw with the mayor, whom he needed to knock out.

He does, however, make a few good points.

Street didn't invent the cesspool that Philadelphia politicians swim around in to bob for campaign contributions.

But his leadership certainly did nothing to clean up the mess. In fact, after nearly four years, the cesspool stinks more.

Will Katz get the chance to prove he's the Roto-Rooter man?

I'm starting to agree with the sentiments expressed by the coffee mug.

Given what's going on in this city, with less than two weeks to go until the election, Katz is FuCKED.

Next week: CP's endorsement.