December 25-31, 2003

the bell curve

City Paper's weekly gauge of Philly's Quality of Life

SEPTA's new computer system reveals that the Regional Rail trains are late more than 9 percent of the time. "Yeah," says spokesperson. "There's a little clock on the screen." Minus 4

SEPTA officials say they had no idea their system was one of the nation's worst at sticking to a schedule. "Yeah," says spokesperson. "We have our heads up our asses." Minus 5

School Reform Commissioner Sandra Dungee Glenn calls for removal of the South Philly teacher who used the word "nigger" in an anti-discrimination discussion with her students. Meanwhile, she insists on slipping the word "Dungee" in everywhere. Minus 2

U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development gives $22 million to Philadelphia homeless relief organizations. Similarly, the Phillies organization opens its new home to $22 million worth of relief pitchers. Plus 3

Channel 17 announces plan to air commercial-free footage of a cozy fireplace from 7 to 11 a.m. on Christmas. If they were burning Everwood tapes, we'd watch. Even

The History Channel will provide small video libraries to 150 public schools in Philly. "Yeah," says spokesperson. "Only because the so-called Learning Channel is all makeover bullshit." Plus 4

Police make several arrests in Queen Village area's boxing-glove gang case. But the kids should be back on the streets by the time The Real World moves in. Plus 3

Philly School District issues report card with grades for parents on how well they provided "home support" for their children, like school uniforms, supplies and medical attention. Parents hide report cards from their kids, forge their children's signatures and hand them back in. Plus 2

Total pluses: 12

Total minuses: 11

Score for the week: 1! Merry Christmas!

Last week's score: -3

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