January 1- 7, 2004

the bell curve

City Paper's weekly gauge of Philly's Quality of Life

Two robbers armed with a hammer steal $25,000 from a jewelry store in the Northeast. Storekeeper heard pleading, "Please hammer, don't hurt em." Minus 2

Former Capital Grille bartender alleges that customers frequently requested and were granted spankings in the coatroom. Customers and employees who were involved anxiously await punishment. Minus 1

WB News at 10 switches from one-hour to half-hour broadcasts. Steve Highsmith"s mom is still proud. Even

Suitcase leaking an unknown liquid forces Airport to shut down and investigate. Ashton Kutcher, you irrepressible cad! Minus 3

PennDOT develops plan for more efficient use of salt this winter. Officials put a stop to workers" "Melt "n" Margarita" parties. Plus 3

Philly hotels have better occupancy rates than expected. Unfortunately the guests are all named "John" and only stay for a couple of hours at a time. Plus 2

PA"s libraries are ranked 40th in the country, up three spots from last year"s survey. The jump is attributed to some of the libraries classifying their Internet terminals as "porn only." Plus 3

Man proposes to ex-girlfriend onstage at the Cyndi Lauper concert at the Keswick, gets turned down. Time after time, men forget girls just wanna have fun. Minus 4

In a cost-cutting move, the city will no longer provide municipal cars to 400 officials who currently have them. Angel Ortiz vows to drive anyway. Plus 1

Total minuses: 10

Total pluses: 9

Score for the week: -1

Last week's score: 1