February 5-11, 2004

the bell curve

City Paper's weekly gauge of Philly's Quality of Life

Legendary Philly disc jockey Ed Sciaky dies at age 55. "He will be missed," says Clear Channel Radio Personality Robot #17A, currently working Sciaky's old time slot. Minus 10

Philly surgeons accidentally leave items -- scalpels, gauze, needles -- inside patients 80 times a year, according to Inquirer. You know, we wanna reform those malpractice laws, but you gotta meet us halfway here. Minus 5

Airport security screener who was suspended for taking his loaded gun to work says he forgot he had it with him. "Yeah," say detained passengers. "We all did." Minus 2

DJ Bill Womack sues WMGK because his salary was cut, claiming racial bias. According to Clear Channel Station Management Robot #39C, "Beep. The claim does not compute. We were unaware that there were different types of humans. Beep." Minus 2

Author/movie producer/Time magazine editor Richard Stengel is named new president of the Constitution Center. "First thing I'm gonna do," he announces, "is photocopy that treasure map on the back of the Constitution." Even

Mayor Street spent less on his re-election campaign than he raised. "Once they found that FBI bug," explains campaign strategist, "we started getting free advertising." Even

Stu Bykofsky's last gossip column appears in today's Daily News. We sure hope weather hunk John Bolaris starts a blog. Minus 7

A 99-pound woman from West Virginia wins the Wing Bowl. Former champ El Wingador gloriously reclaimed his title by eating the woman as she walked to her car. Plus 2

Total pluses: 2

Total minuses: 26

Score for the week: -24

Last week's score: -5

-- Respond to this article in our Forums -- click to jump there