February 26-March 3, 2004

the bell curve

City Paper's weekly gauge of Philly's Quality of Life

Disciplinarian at West Kensington's Cramp Elementary is removed in part because he made children write sentences 100 times as punishment. But without proper discipline, how will these kids get into Carpal Tunnel High School? Minus 2

School District CEO Paul Vallas says forcing unruly students to write repetitively is an acceptable punishment. "In fact," he says, "it'll help these kids as they inevitably begin looking for work in the field of data entry." Plus 2

Whitehall man who stole the Phillie Phanatic's head faces felony charges of burglary, criminal trespass and more. Says man, "I hope they don't find out about my Marie Antoinette hat." Plus 1

Drexel University College of Medicine looks into purchasing MCP Hospital. "Well," says Drexel president, "That's where our students buy their nitrous anyway." Even

A Philadelphia-based advocacy group for African religions is suing the Sci Fi Channel, contending its new reality series Mad Mad House degrades voodoo religion. Says the network, "We are appalled by what they are saying about our star, Mrs. Zulu Pindoll Chickenblood." Plus 5

Passengers must now show boarding pass and photo ID before going through security checkpoints at the airport. You know, because terrorists don't have boarding passes. They sneak onto planes. Plus 1

Penn grad students vote to hold a strike on Thursday and Friday for right to unionize. Wharton students decline to participate, since they plan on graduating right into management. Plus 1

City Council considers a bill that would reduce Historical Commission's authority. The commission immediately declares itself a historic site, thereby making any attempts to change it illegal. Minus 1

Total pluses: 10

Total minuses: 3

Score for the week: 7

Last week's score: 10

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