March 11-17, 2004

the bell curve

City Paper's weekly gauge of Philly's Quality of Life

St. Joe's men's basketball team ends the season ranked number one. And just this once, it's better to go there than Stanford. Plus 10

Company that made Pennsylvania State Police's defective radar guns offers to fix the problem for free, but police say they work just fine. "In fact," say cops, "just the other day we were able to stop a Lark scooter that we clocked at 125 miles per hour." Minus 7

Flyers and Ottawa Senators set NHL record for penalty minutes in a game with third-period brawls. Martin Havlat is a pussy. Plus 9

SEPTA strike over health care is looming. Says one official, "We promise our customers will hardly notice the interruption of service." Minus 9

West Philly boy being mentored by Police Commissioner Sylvester Johnston is banned from headquarters after he steals a walkie-talkie. The kid was transferred to the mentor program at the Parking Authority. Minus 2

City no longer issuing fines to residents who don't recycle. Says Curby Bucket, "I feel empty inside." Minus 9

Health officials at the National STD Prevention Conference in Philadelphia announce that chlamydia is widespread among young people. Yeah, think we read that somewhere. Minus 5

Mayor Street announces plan to install wireless Internet access in Love Park. Wonder if you can do an ollie off a yuppie. Plus 2

Total pluses: 21

Total minuses: 32

Score for the week: -11

Last week's score: 19

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