icepack

by A.D. Amorosi

So I’m standing at Trattoria Lucca’s Sinatra Night, listening to Frank songs, reading in the New York Post about Martha Stewart's conviction and paging through the ridiculous reactions to The Passion of the Christ. Suddenly it was 1964 again. And I thought, "Neither Frank nor the pope would let that broad go to jail." Dag. Crucifixion comes in many shapes. … "Thanks for coming to The Passion of the Christ" -- that's how Kevin Smith introduced his Philly-shot Jersey Girl at a Ritz Bourse screening, before he talked up the Torre Big and Tall shop (where he bought his clothes) and launched into a laughable bitchfest with a belligerent 16-year-old who said he hated Smith's corny soundtrack. As Smith teased and called the kid "motherfucker" and "cocksucker," the kid repeatedly gave him the finger. "That's Philly," Smith laughed. Afterward, the director told me confidentially that the kid really liked the movie. WHOWHATWHERE: Jessica Simpson hung at a Wal-Mart in Turnersville, N.J., to sign tuna cans and copies of her new CD. Same difference. Don't freak, West Chester! Hard-rocking band Clutch were only there to film a video with Bam Margera while art director Eric Weiss looked on. Weiss also just finished working on Nathaniel Kahn's documentary on M. Night Shyamalan. On and around its anniversary last week, Denim welcomed Shyamalan for bottle service, as well as Sixer Derrick Coleman (who strolled about with bottles of Cristal). Coleman carried on his own after-party at Bar Noir. … In anticipation of Earl Dax's booking of perf-art queen Karen Finley at The Five Spot for March 19, Dax, in his drag guise of Enya Buttox, will perform "Karen Finley's Greatest Hits," Mon., March 15, at Bar Noir. Buttox (who hasn't done drag in years), Needles Jones, Myra Bazell and members of Hard Luck Theatre (who hit Tritone March 18) will do Finley's rarely seen ass-yam-jam and chocolate-smear routines. Duck! … CUT: Philly filmmaker Andrew Repasky McElhinney is starting production on a new "sarcastic thriller," On Ice, and director Kimi Takesue will premiere her Scott Johnston-produced Summer of the Serpent at the Rotterdam Film Festival. Johnston is busy with April's Philadelphia Festival of Independents (watch for Bill Haley's Fishtown cabala-buddy film Steve Phoenix: The Untold Story, as well as the fest's first anime events) and the March 19 start of the 48-Hour Film Project landing at N. 3rd, which Johnston will rep (www.48hourfilm.com). … DJ Rashida and Carolyn Chernoff kick off a 10-week "DJ 101 for Girls" course on March 17 at the Rotunda. … Plain Parade bookers Sara Sherr and Maria Tessa Sciarrino will move their operations from Doc Watson's (which is not changing its name, as rumored) to Tritone after its April 2 show. They will still have occasional shows at Mill Creek Tavern. There was no drama or dissing: Plain Parade is moving because, unlike their competition, "our pockets are anything but deep," says Sherr. Without large guarantees for big-name acts, what's needed is something Doc's can't provide as yet: "a consistent, built-in crowd that has an interest in live music. Doc's crowd is medical students … picky about where their seven dollars go." Joe Lekkas and Ted Enoch will continue booking Watson's for owner Mike Mason. … With a June opening set for a swanky new Old Original Bookbinder's at Second and Walnut, the now-sold Bookbinder's on 15th turns into a state liquor store with its own demo kitchen and chefs by July. (Knives and booze? Fabulous). … In Bed With Butch TV host, Butch Cordora, starts a weekly Wednesday underwear-mandatory "Bulge" bash at The Bike Stop on March 17. "No voyeurs! A strict UN-dress code enforced!" exclaims Cordora. "Nothing dirty. Just 300 guys dancing in tighty-whities!"… Cool bands dying to meet you: Guitarist Jonathan Golden's evil Wildebeest soul-jams through Mill Creek Tavern, March 12, with background singer Skye Williams opening. Spinto Band of West Chester get moog-a-licious at Doc Watson's, March 11. Twelve-string guitarist Jason Paul Elder holds Big Nick's on Bustleton in thrall, March 13, with a wily jazz trio. … Marah (who lost Jamie Mahon to Cream Charger Dean Rosenzweig's side project, Catnip, with Mark Boyce) release the self-produced 20,000 Streets Under the Sky in June, on a new label (Yep Roc). The band's Dave and Serge Bielanko'll host their own imprint (PHIdelity Records), whose first CD expands Marah's out-of-print debut, Let's Cut the Crap and Hook Up Later On Tonight. Check Marah at Tin Angel, March 11. … Host Richard Leis wants to "Saki it" to you with "Saki to Me" at Tragos, March 11. … Congrats to The Capitol Years' Shai Halperin's sister and producer -- Shirley Halperin and Thom Monahan, respectively -- on their engagement. Happy b-day to Imri Jonas' Discobotz, which will cease its Five Spot gigs as he moves on to March 12's "LIVE + DIRECT" show at Transit with Reflective Multimedia; to WHYY's Amy Salit; to drag doyenne Brittany Lynn; and to Sen. Rick Santorum, who'll get, by the looks of the William Way Center's e-mails: "a very pink, attractive birthday card honoring his support of healthy, vibrant LGBT communities." Go to www.waygay.org for info on blowing Santorum's candles.

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