March 25-31, 2004

the bell curve

City Paper's weekly gauge of Philly's Quality of Life

The Vet is imploded. Now all we need to do is clean up the piles and piles of nostalgic newspaper columns.

Even

The Seaport Museum is in dire financial straits. The what?

Minus 1

Junior at St. Joe's wins Miss Philadelphia title. Billy Packer immediately announces the woman was, at best, the seventh hottest broad in the pageant.

Plus 3

Former Phillies pitcher Tyler Green accuses Tyler Green Sports, a local promotions company, of using his name illegally. And yet Dickie Thongs Ltd. goes unpunished.

Minus 1

Half of the city's middle school teachers failed qualification tests set up under the federal No Child Left Behind law. The other half played hooky that day.

Minus 6

Internet poll in Travel + Leisure magazine calls Philadelphia the least attractive, least stylish and among the least friendly cities in the country. "Among" the least friendly? Fuck them.

Minus 9

American Idol stylist ranks Philadelphia 13th on list of "Most Hair-Impaired Cities in America." We should expect a better rating once hockey season's over.

Minus 1

Chairman of Planning Commission resigns, saying commission lacks power and influence in shaping the city. Did someone say something?

Minus 5

MTV changes its mind, restarts plan to bring Real World to Philly. Late addition roommate looks suspiciously like a big inflatable rat.

Plus 40

Total pluses: 43

Total minuses: 23

Score for the week: 20

Last week's score: -29