Cum for Life

Go on, boys, pop your corks all you want. It’s probably even good for you.

According to the latest medical research, ejaculation may be beneficial to prostate health. At the very least, concludes a new American Medical Association study, frequent spritzing certainly isn’t bad, as was once thought.

In a study in the Journal of the American Medical Association released just in time for Palm Sunday, a team of researchers debunks the myth that excessive ejaculation is harmful to a man's prostate. The researchers even suggest that the opposite might be true: Men who cum the most have the least chance of developing cancer of that gland.

The study, titled "Ejaculation Frequency and Subsequent Risk of Prostate Cancer" and funded by the National Institutes of Health and the National Cancer Institute, states that "ejaculation frequency is not related to increased risk of prostate cancer."

The research team, headed by Johns Hopkins University's Michael F. Leitzmann, hypothesizes that reports that "high ejaculation frequency was related to decreased risk of total prostate cancer."

Men over 60 who pop rocks 21 or more times a month are 30 percent less likely to develop prostate cancer than those who emit a mere four to seven times a month. For men under the age of 60, the evidence is even more dramatic: The 21-plus overachievers are 37 percent less likely to get cancer than once- or twice-a-week guys.

The large, prospective study looked at all manner of emissions, "capturing sexual intercourse, nocturnal emission and masturbation." The multi-year project charted all the comings (and goings) of 29,342 men from 1992 through 2000. The researchers took into account other possible contributory factors such as diet, weight, family history, tobacco use, and consumption of red meat or alcohol.

Researchers noted, however, one important limitation. The men they studied had jobs in the health professions and were predominantly white. So the results, they say, are limited to Caucasians for now. (The scientists also neglected to examine any putative relationship between some sorts of emissions and hirsute palms.)

Still, not only is this a breakthrough for frequent fliers everywhere, but even less ebullient ejaculators no longer have to hold back out of a concern for their health. News of these findings may also begin to bring an end the dreaded but woefully undocumented epidemic known as blue balls.

So just in time for coming of spring, millions of men shall rise up and declare, "But, honey, we need to do this for my health."

-- Respond to this article in our Forums -- click to jump there