July 15-21, 2004

the bell curve

City Paper's weekly gauge of Philly's Quality of Life

To help protect them, Ben Franklin's books are being soaked in water and other colonial artifacts are being electrocuted for months at a time, says Inky. Wait, isn't that how we "protect" Iraqi prisoners?
Plus 1

PGW's plan to add surcharge to make regular customers pay for deadbeats would violate state law, says Public Utility Commission. Dear PUC, We've never heard of you before. Are you new around here? We like your style. Sincerely, Bell Curve.
Plus 9

Tweeter Center offers new service: CDs of shows available five minutes after they're over. And for $25 more they'll throw in a bottle of water.
Even

Explosive device found in shrubbery near City Hall. Councilman Brian O'Neill makes a "Knights who says ni!" joke. Nobody gets it.
Minus 5

State lottery had a record $2.35 billion in sales in fiscal 2003-04. Older Pennsylvanians do a rickety little dance.
Plus 1

Police officer hit by car while directing traffic at Broad and Spring Garden. "I'm not very good at it," he concludes.
Minus 1

Philadelphia International will likely set a record for traffic this year. And that's just the drop-off line.
Plus 3

President Bush declines invitation to speak at NAACP convention in Philly, the first president since Herbert Hoover to do so. John Kerry looks into contracting polio.
Minus 10

The city is asking for creative sign designs to help its "don't block the box" anti-gridlock campaign. Bell Curve staff's really funny box pun suppressed by office prudes.
Even

Total pluses: 14
Total minuses: 16
This week's total: -2
Last week's total: 14