August 5-11, 2004

the bell curve

The Bell Curve

City Paper's weekly gauge of Philly's Quality of Life

Man arrested for soliciting a prostitute — and had his picture printed in the Daily News because of it — was acquitted of all charges because the police didn't get his joke: Apparently when an undercover cop offered him sex for $20, he replied, "You don't look like a $20 hooker to me." We here at Bell Curve would like to salute Mr. Charles Williams of Pear Street, a true American hero.
Plus 4

Smarty Jones, suffering from chronic ankle bruising, is retired. "I consider myself lucky," says Jones. "I know there's a fine line between being put out to stud and just being shot."
Minus 1

Germantown minister who told her congregation she is a lesbian during a sermon could be banned from the clergy. They have a strict "no interesting sermons" policy.
Minus 7

Because the Philadelphia District Attorney's Office took too long to bring them to trial, seven men charged with murder, kidnapping and other violent crimes are released from prison. Then the men land on Baltic Avenue, where they purchase three houses and a hotel.
Minus 8

Philly's Catholic school students score lower on their SATs than ones in area public schools. Mostly because they answered each question, "E) Because God said so."
Minus 7

Ralph Nader shuts down his Center City office after his signature collectors, many of them homeless, gather to protest that they haven't been paid. Attention, Nader voters: Homeless guys are now officially smarter than you.
Minus 4

Daily News says Philly is "under siege" by riders of motorized minibikes. Hey! Aren't we still on orange alert because of the bicycling muggers and gangs wearing boxing gloves? The Daily News is the Tom Ridge of crap.
Minus 1

Total pluses: 4
Total minuses: 28
This week's total: -24
Last week's total: 3