The Bell Curve

City Paper's weekly gauge of Philly's Quality of Life

Schools chief Paul Vallas says district should no longer base its schedules around The Farmer's Almanac. He suggests The Da Vinci Code.
Plus 3

A typo by a legal secretary leads to a confessed killer/arsonist being released from prison. Dear Legal Secretary, Could you please handle my paperwork? XOXO, Mumia.
Minus 7

The city's emergency radio system is not compatible with those in the suburbs, says Inky. Which sucks, because there are some emergencies only Lower Merion can fix.
Minus 4

Gov. Rendell allots $78 million in aid to Philadelphia groups, including $36 million for arts organizations. As usual, Pittsburgh can go fuck itself.
Plus 6

Police officer is accused of hiring a prostitute and then robbing her at gunpoint to get his money back hours later. Talk about buyer's remorse.
Minus 3

US Airways tells Bankruptcy Court that its livelihood hinges on success in Philadelphia. Bankruptcy Court pretends to be laughing only because it just thought of a joke it heard the other day.
Minus 2

Protesters gather at Broad and Olney to rally against the expiration of the ban on assault weapons. Tragic irony ensues.
Plus 1

New Jersey State Aquarium has renamed itself Adventure Aquarium. Boring brown river fish renamed "sharks" and "dolphins."
Even

SEPTA says it needs state aid or it will shut down stations and routes and raise fares. State finishes SEPTA's sentence, rolls eyes, makes that "yap yap" puppet motion with hand.
Minus 5

Total pluses: 10
Total minuses: 21
This week's total: -11
Last week's total: -2

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