The Bell Curve

City Paper's weekly gauge of Philly's Quality of Life

Police officer lures unleashed pit bull away from children at Southwest Philly trolley stop, then shoots the dog when it attacks him. The dog's last words? "Ri rought ri relled racon."
Minus 2

The Orchestra extends its deadline, but still might go on strike. "Hear that?" asks management. "That's the world's smallest violin playing just for you guys."
Minus 2

PA House Speaker John Perzel wants to create a state agency to run SEPTA, the Port Authority and PennDOT. He suggests "The Department of John Perzel is Awesome."
Minus 3

Budget cutbacks force delays in courses at Philly's police academy. "That'll just give officers Mahoney and Jones more time for hijinks," laments Commandant Lassard.
Minus 1

Junior from Wharton identified by some as man caught on tape kicking an AIDS activist during Republican National Convention. Advances to final round of The Apprentice.
Minus 3

Eagles say there are more counterfeit tickets than usual this year. The Flyers report no such problems.
Minus 1

Democratic party says Kerry will win PA if Philly's Democrats remember to vote. Republicans say they'll win if more Wharton students do their civic fuckin' duty.
Plus 5

Two Northeast Philly boys are caught videotaping themselves throwing fruit at traffic in attempt to get on Jackass. "That's not gonna get these punks on TV," cops say. "Not extreme enough. They should try, like, shooting a dog in front of a bunch of kids."
Minus 3

Mayor Street announced plans to close "mini-City Hall" administrative offices. Councilmen DiCicco and Mariano promoted to people-sized City Hall.
Minus 2

Total pluses: 5
Total minuses: 17
This week's total: -12
Last week's total: -11

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