icepack

by A.D. Amorosi

As we inch nearer November, I feel as if I -- a man dubbed the "Mystery Bulge" long before the "was-he-wired?" Dubya debate rumor -- must speak mah mind. Not Vince Fumo speak my mind -- stooopidly, bigotedly -- but, uh, mindfully, about my politics. I registered Republican back in the day because its HQ had a great pool table and, after becoming fabulously wealthy, I liked keeping a majority of my money. But I haven't voted such since Reagan (loved his hair, hated Jimmy Carter). I want to be safe, but don't want women, gay people or those who would benefit from stem-cell research to suffer. I don't believe in Bush's war, Kerry's flip-flops or anything Fox News or CBS offers. Though he's an incisive filmmaker, I don't buy Michael Moore. Literally. Yes, I'm sure you want us to buy many DVDs of Fahrenheit 9/11 to give to schools, Michael. Why don't you give them away? Even those who promised to work for good might not be. I've received several e-mails complaining about voter registration kids taking names that never end up on the voter rolls. As one gentleman's e-mail put it: "There's always a scam." That's what I'm convinced of: the scam. I'll be in the billiard room hashing it out. … "Have an above-average IQ? Go to school for mathematics, aerospace technology, chemistry, molecular biology, astronomy, computers, law, medicine, accounting, business? Are you single? Male?" What the hell are you doing in Philly, stupid? That's what the WB wants from Philadelphia Casting Company: guys 21-33 for a game show with savvy intellect. Both of you, send details about yerself to philacast@hotmail.com by Oct. 18. … Donald Trump helicoptered into QVC's HQ in West Chester for an hour-and-a-half hang Monday, joining The Apprentice's "Mosaic" team in a repeat performance of the boys' previous week's win, selling DeLonghi Grills on QVC. Not only did Trump help sell grills, he sold out copies of his new book, Think Like a Billionaire. The Mosaic boys stuck around to party with QVC's crew and audience. Speaking of sticking around -- after his A Tribe Called Quest wowed the round-the-block lines at Electric Factory, Ali Shaheed Muhammad rushed to Tragos for an album-release party for his solo Shaheedullah and Stereotypes. Once at Tragos, he checked into VIP, ran to the DJ booth and, with pal King Britt spinning, stood at the top of the booth’s steps and flowed raps from his CD as guests like Talib Kweli watched. " You’re Djangling baby. That’s what DjangoFest Northeast wants. Hosted by guitarist Barry Warhoftig's Hot Club of Philly, the gypsy jazz bash, Oct. 15-17, at Sellersville Theater, will feature regional greats (Claudia Beechman, John Jorgenson) and international playboys (violinist Tim Kliphuis). Info: www.djangofestnortheast.com. … What's the hubbub at Ninth and Christian? Butcher's Cafe snuck in its re-opening with new owners Nicky Isen and Scott Shuster (Brewster Gallery guys) and Alex Bartlett, and chef Lance Silverman, who worked at Sabrina's on the block. … The Brothers Grasso -- owners of the property that is Roy's on 16th Street -- are rumored to be readying that long-discussed, late-night membership boite for November construction. … Waiters in PJs? That'd be Cereality -- the all-cereal, all-day restaurant opening at 36th and Walnut. … While Avram Hornik readies Noche for floor two of 1901 Chestnut for November, nearby Le Jardin (the Art Alliance at South 18th) should be open by Oct. 20 with GM Atmane Kabir and chef Robert Capella (Monte Carlo Living Room). … Please see Julia Othmer wow Tin Angel Oct. 16 with her full band (finally) and sexy new songs. … WHOWHATWHERE: Congrats to Electric Factory boss Larry Magid for getting a crack at co-producing bud Billy Crystal's one-man Broadway run of 700 Sundays. Call the Broadhurst (235 W. 44th) starting Nov. 12 and tell 'em you know Larry. The boys of Good Charlotte hung and signed copies of their new CD at Tower Cherry Hill. After creeping backstage to meet Usher, Patti LaBelle hung by the soundboard at the Wachovia Center to watch the shirtless wonder. It was a Naessens family reunion when Glen Naessens of Real World 2 watched the young lions of Philly's Real World during brother Mike's CD release party for pals Pepper's Ghost at his Eulogy Tavern. Mike even gave away copies of bro's old band Perch's CD: "It's like Chili Peppers meets Talking Heads, made around the time his Real World was on," says Mike. Carole King hung out with local chanteuse Janet Bilenky (and about 99 other people) at a debate-watching party at Democratic HQ in Jenkintown and stayed long enough to be talked into singing "You've Got a Friend." Mothers, hide your daughters. Everyone close your ears: Howard Eskin's 30-day suspension from WIP-AM (610) ends today. … Everyone works on their birthdays, even American Splendor's Harvey Pekar, who got a "Happy Birthday" chorale before speaking at Free Library's 215 Fest event. Wedding singer/Citizens Bank Park national anthem-ster Erika Schiff sings several jazzy sets on her b-day, Oct. 19, at Bar Noir. Ex-Betty White Trash-ers Jeremy Hugo (b-day boy) and Jay Medley reunite to host Heavy Metal Bar-B-Que, Oct. 18, at Tritone. … Hellllloooo 'n' good luck to Duane Swierczynski -- new ed 'n chief at City Paper. You'll need it, boss.

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