October 14-20, 2004

naked city

Don't Run With Scissors...

Scissors beats billy club: Shawn Ring, Philadelphia's great rock-paper-scissors hope, squares off with paper-pushing Frank Rizzo. Photo By: Michael T. Regan

and other lessons from Philadelphia's premiere rock-paper-scissors player.

by Brian Howard

Championship-caliber athletes generally don't arrive in Philadelphia without a certain degree of fanfare. So how did Shawn Ring, newly transplanted from New Brunswick, N.J., slip in under the radar? Easy. His sport of choice is far from the intense glare of major team competition. Ring is a competitive rock-paper-scissors player. Seriously.

Ring, 28, moved to South Philadelphia last week and will represent Philly -- and anyone who might be interested in granting him last-minute sponsorship -- at the Rock Paper Scissors 2004 International World Championships in Toronto on Saturday. Don't believe there's such a thing? Consider: 1) Fireside has just released The Official Rock Paper Scissors Strategy Guide, 2) In a world where Texas Hold 'Em is must-see TV, Fox Sports will be taping the Toronto event with plans to air it, and 3) when CP photographer Michael T. Regan met up to shoot Ring, Regan explains, "he beat me every time."

City Paper rang up Ring to talk about his sport's finer points.

City Paper: What are the rules of competitive rock paper scissoring?

Shawn Ring: You have to sync up with your opponent with your prime: essentially a pumping of fists. It's a three-prime shoot: one, two, three, and then you shoot. It's the responsibility of the slower player to catch up with the prime. One strategy is called "priming the chump." If you have [an opponent] who's so worried about catching up with the prime, they can't concentrate.

Also, you have to throw the way described in the rules. It's frowned upon to use vertical paper and horizontal scissors. At the first championship I went to, I'd throw scissors with my thumb out. … They warned me that that's an indecisive throw.

CP: How do you answer people who say that rock paper scissors is just a game of chance?

SR: It's about recognizing patterns and trying to counter those patterns. … The way society looks at it, people say it's random. But people are incapable of being purely random. There's always some kind of strategy, even if they're trying to force randomness.

CP: What are some strategies?

SR: There are certain gambits, which are planned series of three throws. There are the triple gambits, which are three of the same throw. Three rocks is "the avalanche." Three scissors is "the toolbox." Three papers is "the bureaucrat." Then there's the scissor sandwich, which is scissors between two throws of paper. … There's the "paper dolls" which is paper, scissors, scissors …

CP: What is the Shawn Ring strategy?

SR: I'm actually a notorious scripter. I like to script depending on the type of player. There is certain body language people use where you can tell what kind of player they are, aggressive or passive. … I compete under the name C. Urbanus, and there's actually a defense named after me, the Urbanus defense, which is losing the first throw of the match on purpose to make the person on the other side more confident.

CP: If I were in a competition like this, I would simply look into my opponent's eyes, levy a steely glare and know immediately what he was going to throw. Am I foolish?

SR: It's not foolish. It's one thing you can do. That's the stare-down. Especially if you have a good penetrating stare, you can get into people's heads.

CP: Is there any special equipment required in the sport?

SR: Not really. People are big on costumes to psych out the opponent. A colleague of mine, Jason Simmons [who competed under the name Master Roshambollah], was playing a guy who had his arm in a sling all night. And then when he came to be losing, he unwrapped his arm out of his sling and started playing with that arm. He came close to beating [Simmons, who is] actually retired from the sport for this year. He has been hired on by Fox Sports to do the commentary for the event.

CP: Are there any special hand creams or salves that can come in handy?

SR: Certain people like their hands to look nice, and you could use some Flexall to reduce joint pain. … But creams or salves, I've never been a big believer in them.

CP: Can a supple hand curry favor with the judges?

SR: Well, if you have some gnarly looking hands [that could be a detriment], but not necessarily. You can try and play the refs a little bit. Say, "It's an honor to be here. I've heard you're a great referee." But they're well-trained. I'm a certified referee myself. [As a referee], you just say "that's a nice-looking hand," but that's as far as it goes.

For more, visit www.rpschamps.com. Companies interested in sponsoring Ring can e-mail him at sring@northeastrpschamps.com.