October 21-27, 2004

naked city

Songs of Debate

Illustration By: Mike Nawyn

A soundtrack for the sound bites.

by Shaun Brady

With the election almost upon us, we may find ourselves looking back at the last few weeks as the turning point in the campaign; either the moment when President Kerry locked in his victory, or the last giddy rush of hope before four years of depression and exile in Canada. And as we grow nostalgic, there’s no better way to relive the past than that instant-flashback generator, the mix tape. Below is a suggested mix of songs designed to reflect the standout moments of the 2004 presidential debates.

R.E.M -- "World Leader Pretend"

"I recognize the weapons, I used them well/ This is my mistake, let me make it good"

Bush’s dismal failure in the first debate stemmed from the same reliance on over-optimistic assumptions that led to his dismal failure in Iraq. Rove and Co. apparently figured they’d have Kerry on the defensive, droning on and on about wonkish minutiae, and Dubya could just trot out his "flip-flopper vs. strong-and-resolute leader" sound bites and take the whole thing in a walk. When Kerry proved far more disciplined than anyone expected, the president was thrown for a loop …

Captain Beefheart & the Magic Band -- "Frownland"

"My smile is stuck/ I cannot go back t’yer Frownland"

… since he apparently learned nothing from Al Gore in the 2000 debates. Bush scowled where Gore sighed, but the effect was the same -- he looked irritated and grumpy next to Kerry’s stately (if a tad wooden) poise.

John Cage -- "4'33""

Combine that with the president’s endless pauses (which only seemed to last as long as Cage’s infamous exercise in silence), and he seemed tired and unprepared.

Merle Haggard -- "Workin' Man Blues"

"I keep my nose on the grindstone/ I work hard every day"

I suppose harping on the presidency being "hard work" was meant to prove that Bush recognizes that maybe, just maybe, Iraq isn’t all sunbeams and butterflies, but it came across as petulant whining.

Ruins -- "Grubandgo"

Actually, anything by the Ruins will do, since, like the president, they speak some crazy made-up language and I have no idea what the fuck they’re talking about. Yeah, maybe it’s a cheap shot to pick on the prez for mangling the English language, but "mexed missages"? Only G-Dub can turn a simple linguistic stumble into self-parody so effectively.

XTC -- "Generals and Majors"

"Generals and majors ah ah/ They’re never too far/ Away from men who made the grade"

No matter how much fun it is to say "John Shalikashvili" (try it five times fast), Kerry showed alarming signs of running off on one of his endless tangents when he started naming military men who support him. And he did it again in the second debate. Though I must admit it was cute the way every time a new country was mentioned, Bush trotted out his phonetic pronunciation of its leader’s name. Looks like someone’s been using that World-Leader-a-Day desk calendar that Condi bought him for Xmas!

Phil Ochs -- "Love Me, I'm a Liberal"/"Cops of the World"

"I read New Republic and Nation/ I’ve learned to take every view … Love me, love me, love me/ I’m a liberal"

"We’ll spit through the streets of the cities we wreck/ And we’ll find you a leader that you can’t elect/ Those treaties we signed were a pain in the neck/ ’Cause we’re the cops of the world"

Aka The Bush Attack-Plan Medley: Liberal! Global test! Naive and dangerous!

Monty Python -- "Lumberjack Song"

"I’m a lumberjack/ And I’m OK"

The strangest moment in the second debate came when Kerry squeezed an incomprehensible mention of the president’s timber holdings into the last few seconds of his answer, leading Dubya to hop up and deny the charge with a smirking "Need some wood?" Not exactly worthy of Cicero.

Charles Mingus -- "Don't be Afraid, the Clown's Afraid Too"

You could almost see the flop sweat on Dubya’s brow during the third debate. Presenting a cheery, laughing alternative to his dour first performance, Bush started every response with a desperate-sounding joke, though alienating your host by disparaging his recently discredited network with a crack about the news media may be the wrong tactic. And the image of the president enjoying a hearty chuckle while his opponent talked about Americans losing their jobs on the other side of the screen seemed a tad inappropriate. Kerry’s Tony Soprano reference may not have been funny, but at least it wasn’t crass.

God Is My Co-Pilot -- "Straight Not"

"Experiencing some kind of umm/ Same gender attraction or something"

His reference to Dick Cheney’s lesbian daughter was crass, whether a gratuitous low-blow or a sly pander to the homophobic right.

Public Enemy -- "Can't Do Nuttin' for Ya Man"

"I can’t do nuttin’ for ya man/ I’m busy tryin’ to do for me"

Shockingly, Bush failed to capitalize on his greatest advantage -- his sense of common-man faux empathy -- when asked to respond to a worker whose job had been outsourced. Not only did he fail to show any compassion whatsoever, he completely switched topics to …

Dizzy Gillespie -- "School Days"

… No Child Left Behind, which seemed to be his default answer for everything that night. Don’t have a job? We’ll educate your kids, and they can support you in 20 years. No health insurance? No problem -- we’ll educate your kids!

Yo La Tengo -- "The Lie and How We Told It"

"Talking words, angry words/ Hang in the air, we don’t dare"

When Kerry quoted Bush as saying that he was "not concerned" about Osama Bin Laden, Bush laughed off the accusation, sarcastically calling it an "exaggeration." Unfortunately, the exact quote that Kerry used was on videotape for the world to see. Twice. Oops.

Which brings us to closing arguments …

Alice Cooper -- "Elected"

"I’m your top prime cut of meat, I’m your choice/ I wanna be elected/ I’m your Yankee doodle dandy in a gold Rolls Royce/ I wanna be elected"

Bonus Track: The Monkees -- "Words"

"Strange voices in my ears …/ But all I can hear are those/ Words that never were true/ Spoken to help nobody but you"

C’mon, George -- what the hell was that bulge?!?