November 11-17, 2004

slant

wtf

by Duane Swierczynski

Any Questions?

Last week, president re-elect George W. Bush chided a reporter for asking more than one question. "He violated the one-question rule right off the bat," the president complained. "Obviously, you didn't hear the will of the people."

This isn't a bad idea. I might encourage all City Paper reporters to stick to the one-question rule. Think about how much time it would save. "Let's cut the shit, Congressman—what's the deal with you, the goat, and those jumper cables?"

On the other hand, this column is all about answering reader questions. During the past week, you guys sent a bunch, and here are my answers, in no particular order:

• Send a resume and clips and we'll see what we can do.

• "Dweller near a fir tree."

• Oh yeah, Slant. Glad you asked.

We're still running a guest "Slant" every week. My first editor's note pre-empted last week's Slant because I was so damn wordy. (Sorry.) But take a look to the right of this column. See? There it is, safe and sound. So keep those submissions coming.

I did relocate Bruce Schimmel's "Loose Canon" to another part of the paper. (Editors in chief can do stuff like that.) Bruce is now writing a 37-word column under his pen name, "Betty Page Fan," which will appear randomly in the Personals section.

Kidding, Bruce, kidding! Actually, you'll find "Loose Canon" nearby on p. 7. And in the weeks to come, we'll be expanding Slant to include more voices, more fun, more Bruce.

And in this week's issue:

Patrick Rapa's cover story on the Dead Milkmen grappling with the death of bandmate Dave Schulthise (p. 17) is one of those rare stories that lets you use the words "bitchin'" and "bittersweet" in the same sentence. "They threatened to burn down the City Paper offices if we didn't find a way to put Dave Blood on the cover," says Pat. Never before has a terroristic threat seemed so heartfelt. We were happy to oblige.

On a different—and no less bittersweet—note, is Mike Newall's portrait of Mike Hoffman, (p. 8) who returned from Iraq and gathered a band of like-minded soldiers to protest the war. (Sound familiar?) This Veteran's Day, Hoffman's story reminds us that W. may have won re-election, but for our troops, the mission is far from accomplished.

But this issue isn't all pathos. For a quick pick-me-up, turn to Naked City (p. 14) and learn where you can run if terrorists suddenly start spraying chemical weapons all the hell over town.

That's right: It's the new City Paper. Lifting hearts, one story at a time.