December 2- 8, 2004

the bell curve

The Bell Curve

City Paper's weekly gauge of Philly's Quality of Life

Tanker spills 30,000 gallons of oil into the Delaware. Local chefs dust off recipes for blackened duck.
Minus 10

PGW has cut off less than half of its deadbeat customers. "Yeah," says company president Tom Knudsen, "So far we've only been chopping off legs."
Plus 1

Environmental group says tributaries became polluted by the oil spill because the cleanup crews took too long to respond. First everybody complains about the high cost of oil. Now it's free and nobody's happy.
Minus 5

Healthy elderly Philadelphians are asked to skip the flu shot so that those with health problems can be inoculated. "And while you're at it," adds Tom Knudsen, "pay your fucking gas bill."
Minus 3

The Eagles win their division. Up next: Multiplication.
Plus 4

Caesars plans $350 million slot machine parlor near Penn's Landing. "We can totally afford it," says Caesars, "now that we know there's oil on the property."
Plus 1

City hires Emergency Management Services director who will help develop plans for dealing with terrorist attacks and snowstorms. Thanks to an incentives clause in his contract, he stands to make a bundle off a nuclear winter.
Plus 2

Saturday edition of the Sunday Inquirer accidentally carries the cover price of fifty cents, not $1.50. Well, it sure beats being a day late and a dollar short.
Even

WHYY reporter quits after conservative Web site posts audio file of her saying "God hates you and he wants to kill your children" on their voicemail. "Which," says God, "doesn't change My plans to kill their children."
Minus 1

Total pluses: 8
Total minuses: 19
This week's total: -11
Last week's total: -19