December 9-16, 2004

cover story

Dr. Dreidel

Illustration By: Mike Nawyn

A new spin on an old game.

by James Saul

Yes, Hanukkah started Tuesday night. No mind. You've got six more nights to act like a meshuggeneh and host your own Dreidel Olympics. Forget about that played-out "we made them out of clay" business and throw a Dreidel Olympics, complete with Extreme Spinning, Manischewitz Bingeing and the Inevitable Mighty Hora of Victory. Your bubbie's dreidel this is not. This is dreidel without the brisket and with so much chutzpa you might plotz!

OK, let's not get all feclempt. First off, the Dreidel Olympics is best suited for 12-16 players. Even teams work the best, so aim for a number of guests divisible by three, four or five. The math is the hardest part; the rest of the setup is simple. Your guests will be spinnin' and winnin' like Hanukkah high-rollers faster than you can say "Nes gadol haya sham" (for the uninitiated: "a great miracle happened there").

All Olympic "athletes" have to "train" before playing the game. Likewise, the first step is to make teams and name them. Make sure there are no more than five players per team and that the team names are truly bitchin': think "The Judah Maccabeeotches" or "Latke Brigade." Each team member is assigned a number, and each team's No. 1 will face off in the first heat, and so on.

Next, create even "Gelt Banks" — piles which will contain each team's official Dreidel Olympics booty. The booty will fluctuate as the games progress. Remember, there's nothing more satisfying than booty fluctuation, and the booty can be anything: chocolate coins, real coins, diamonds (bling-bling!), SEPTA tokens (very valuable these days), peg legs, packets of duck sauce (Jews + Chinese food = love), whatever.

Once all teams are set it's almost time to schlock, er, rock. For Olympians competing for the first time and those who forgot the rules (Hebrew school dropouts), it's convenient that playing Dreidel is easier than Yentl, that yeshiva-infiltrating slut. Here is a spin through the old dreidel rules:

• Shin looks like a "W." When the dreidel lands on shin, put in the ante: Shin means put some in.
• Nun sort of looks like a backwards "c" with flat edges. This letter is considered a pass: Nun means nothing happens.
• Gimmel looks like the letter nun, but with little legs. When the dreidel lands on gimmel, take double the ante, you greedy bastard! Gimmel means gimme!
• Finally, hey looks like an "H" with the middle part moved to the top. If you get hey, put half your pile in: Hey means put half in.

1. The Olympic game is broken into heats: First the "number ones" face off, then the "twos," yadda, yadda, yadda. This happens in the "Dreidel Olympics Arena."
2. Before spinning, the team representatives decide on an ante for the heat.
3. Next, each representative in the heat spins their own dreidel in the arena for one minute.
4. Everyone must spin at the same time, ensuring maximum dreidel chaos.

At the end of each heat the team with the most booty must dance the aforementioned victory hora (or perform some sort of razzamatazz). If you're into binge drinking and wine that tastes like candy, make the losing team drink a bottle of Manischewitz. L'chayim, suckers!

After all of your numbered players have squared off, it's time for the Dr. Dreidel bonus round where it's up to your party to make rules to keep their heads ringin'. Have people spin while standing on their heads. Require losers to lip-sync Madonna. Settle disputes with sword fights! Once the bonus round starts, it's up to you to bring the temple down. Spin on!