how they'll lose

Week 13 vs.Washington

by Brian Hickey

Mr. Hickey's season record: 1-11

First things first: The Redskins will shock the Birds on Sunday Night Football this week. The details are fuzzy since I threw my crystal ball into the stands by the time the Packers' score hit 47-3. A Clinton Portis run-fest? John Riggins gloriously bulldozes his way out of retirement? A home-field-advantage-practically-wrapped-up letdown? Avian flu? Take your pick, but 12-1 ain't happenin', captain.

Now, let's get on to the big question of the week: Is there a bigger douchebag in the NFL than Al Harris, the Packers' answer to both Milli and Vanilli? The answer is "No." (I know, I know. But I maintain he out-douches Jeremy Shockey. Barely.)

Here's what I can't understand: When you're losing 35-3 in the third quarter—having played a big part in allowing said destruction—what in the name of Lombardi can you be running your mouth to T.O. about? And furthermore, Al, do you really need to take a cheap shot at him? It's pretty hard to fathom how Brett Favre can go to work every day knowing his team's success—well, lack thereof—hinges on such a moron.

Sure, Al, we understand that you wish you were still here, but here's the thing: We don't. You were the crispiest thing this town's seen since Izel Jenkins. (No offense, Toast. We'll always love ya, but you did get burnt at a pace best described as Harris-esque.) So since you apparently can't shut the hell up—and I'm running out of space—here's what I want you to do: Dial 215-735-8444, ext. 211. T.O. couldn't do anything but laugh at you between catches, but they can't hit me with a 15-yard penalty for giving you the verbal bitch-slap you deserve, bitch.

Oh, I almost forgot:

Redskins 24, Eagles 23.

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