January 20-26, 2005

music

King-Size

GENEROUS, HELPING: "We really hope everyone who comes to our shows gets laid," explains Brad "sizzleré" Bennett (top left).

Bling Kong goes large and brings its own cheerleaders.

by Andrew Parks

Brad "sizzler" Bennett's father didn't quite get what his son had been up to for the past two years. So his son played the CD for him this past Christmas.

"He enjoyed the rhythms and riffs, but complained he couldn't understand the vocals," says Bennett, Bling Kong's co-guitarist/songwriter. So he showed his dad the lyrics — "I don't want to have to give a shit / I want to spend my days doing coke off hookers' tits" — and had to explain the concept of fisting. "He frowned and said, "So basically, you're doing porn.'"

Er, not exactly. While its performances are perverse and its stage names — "Cock Sucker," "The Wyld Stallyn," "Milkshake" — soft-core, the appeal of Bling Kong reaches beyond simple shock/schlock value.

For starters, it's amazing they get anything done and done well, since the band includes four cheerleaders, a pair of drummers and guitarists, a bassist, a beat maker and a "video ninja" named Brandon "Money Shot" Bussinger. That's not to mention their six-strong "Crue" of stylists, artists and designers. Well, whether you see them live or listen to their epic self-released EP, Greatest Hits 3.16.03-5.20.03, it's clear Bling Kong excels at excess with cheerleader choruses, spare synths, pop metal guitars and the synergistic pomp and pageantry of Andrew W.K., Hedwig, Iron Maiden, Spinal Tap and Ziggy Stardust.

Add in a sardonic Office Space narrative that praises hedonism and rallies against clock-punching, and you've got an out-of-body rock experience. According to Bennett, Bling Kong's short career has been characterized by chaos and revelry. In Lowell, Mass., a crowd of college kids removed their pants during a performance. In Boston, a blatantly intoxicated man chanted, "I love Bling Kong!" as police forcibly removed him from the venue.

"We really hope everyone who comes to our shows gets laid," explains Bennett. "We're not trying to slap people in the face and force them to move. We want everyone to join us."

Although the group plans on expanding into an indie empire of fashion (BK apparel), music (Bling Kong II is in the works), books (an adaptation of Bling Kong's origin story) and performance art (a planned video), everyone still has to hold down day jobs such as Web design, tutoring, video editing, radio promotions and not-for-profit fund raising. So you could say Bling Kong exercises the id in all of us.

"Come evening, I trade the horn-rims for Elvis specs, the tweed for Bling Kong black and silver, Clark Kent for Steak Bomb," says guitarist/vocalist Scott "Steak Bomb" Gold. "The people I work with can barely believe that their compatriot in literary affairs can bust out an epic power ballad or a behind-the-head guitar solo."

"Bling Kong has become a lifestyle to me," adds "Princess" Lea Kalani, one of the collective's cheerleaders. "It's an outlet for all the crazy and outlandish things we can't always do. It's been so fun to really use everyone's individual talent to grow this drunken dream into a sold-out reality."

Now, we know what you're thinking because we thought it as well: "Where do I sign up?" Well, it takes a very special blend of shamelessness and drama-club grandeur to become part of Bling Kong. And not everyone can make the cut. The same core of 11 performers has been with the group since its inception over drinks in spring 2003. Since then, others have come and gone (including a horn section that may return to the fold soon). Don't let that discourage you from coming to The Khyber with pom-poms in hand, though. Bling Kong is currently accepting applications from the next generation of "Milkshakes" and "Money Shots."

"People ask to join the group every time we play," explains drummer Jonathan "ÁJonathan!" Hanson.

"Bragging aside, this is not a joke. We've started an understudy program because we have the dream of watching ourselves play one day," says Gold. "But if these people knew how much time, work and sacrifice it's taken to build Bling Kong this far and not come off half-assed, they'd probably reconsider."

Can't anyone get onstage and act the fool, though?

"It would be easy to do something like this, put the minimal effort in, and maybe succeed as kitsch," figures Hanson.

According to bassist "Danarchy" Hewins, Bling Kong isn't playing around: "Our goal has always been to grab your attention with the stupid stuff and then do something worthwhile."

Bling Kong performs Wed., Jan. 26, 8 p.m., $8, with Northern Liberties, Technician and The Blow Goes, The Khyber, 56 S. Second St., 215-238-5888.