January 27-February 2, 2005

naked city

how they'll lose

Super Bowl Bye Week

by Brian Hickey

(Season record: 3-15)

Some people are never going to forget Dorsey Levens' steamroller imitation. Others will do a rosary to thank a higher power that Chad Lewis' toes are precisely the length they are. And it'll be kind of hard for most folks not to lovingly recall the sight of a security guard drilling that drunk who sprinted onto the field, too.

Me? Well, four months into this exercise in devil's advocacy, I figure there are two images I'll take to the grave.

In the first one, Hollis Thomas comes from as close to nowhere as such a slab of a man can to level, just level, Michael "Randall Jr." Vick on a big third down right by the goal line. For it was then that I admitted maybe, just maybe, this year was going to be different.

In the second, an ESPN camera scans the Linc parking lot Monday morning. Bottles — from beer and champagne to Pepto — are strewn as far as the eye can see while seagulls scavenge the wreckage. For it was then that I took a look outside in Fairmount and saw the same exact scene — minus the gulls — thanks to Managing Director Phil Goldsmith's snarky, "Those folks who had Friday [trash collection] delayed will have to wait until this Friday. That's unfortunate, but we really don't have much choice," declaration to the dailies. Yeah, I got to thinking that this year was definitely, definitely, different. (Remember those good old days when Mayor Street thought snow removal was his civic duty?)

If you're looking for someone to tell you how the mighty Patriots are going to decimate the Cloud Nine-perched Eagles, you've come to the wrong place. Well actually, you're at the right place, but the wrong time. As in, it's a bye week, so I'm saving it all for next Thursday. (Note to the Daily News' recycled-feature king Don Russell, who decided to lump me in with the hater likes of Merril Hoge and Rush Limbaugh: Come up with a new angle — it's a Super Bowl year. And no, neither "XXXIX Reasons to Hate Boston" nor "Yuengling's Sooo Much Better Than Samuel Adams" qualifies. Maybe Byko could help, since he wrote about "How They'll Lose" 11 days before you, liver lips.)

I guess what I'm trying to say is this: Enjoy the win thoroughly for a couple more days, take pride in what the Birds accomplished, and then call in every favor from on high you can think of. (Simply wearing a jersey to church did the trick when the Broncos took the Packers out.) Because by this time next week, you'll be morphing into as nervous a wreck as you've ever been. And again, the naysayers will be saying nay.