April 7-13, 2005

music

icepack

by A.D. Amorosi

The only thing funner than a funeral is the media circus surrounding it. Mel Gibson, telling Sean Hannity that Terri Schiavo's death was "the inevitability of gradualism?" Wack-a-doodle-licious! Networks tolling bells for JPII 20 hours before expiration? Priceless! The Inquirer's Sunday headline: Lack of air talent cited as Y100's undoing? Like the hammer of the gods striking a burn victim! For all the flotsam of doom, there is good to be found in ill-Philly media. Though Pat Croce's been thrown from the screeching of his reality-show train wreck, Movin' In, you can still see throbbing pink members when Jimmy Grand — aka Jill Walsh, pansexual feminist filmmaker/Art Nerd Porn Collective founder — gets her wish. She's making scads of 60-second porn flicks of "lusty pervy people" — couples, triads, masturbators, spankers, sodomites, fisters, etc. She wants you. Fast. jwalsh@outgun.com. … We lurrved Power 99 FM and the Philly cops pairing live, on April Fools' no less, for their Gun Turn-in Campaign. Shriller than J.Lo & Fat Joe! But for shitty-jeans-erie City Blue to offer store vouchers for guns (Assault weapons, AK-47s = $200 in goods; handguns = $100)? Made me wanna trade in my Sevens for a .38 and start blasting. … If the Philadelphia Film Fest's in gear, Scott Johnston is about, running stuff like the surprise Adult Swim Fan Picture Show (April 9), a peek at new Cartoon Network fare (at the Fest Cabaret on North American Street) starring Aqua Teen Jay Edwards, Harvey Birdman's Erik Richter and Philly's Eric Wareheim. It's the first time Wareheim's back since his Tom Goes to the Mayor started. If he owes you money, cocksucker, gwangetit. Or if you're a fest-animation geek, get him to be your ringer judge when you pitch your cartoon to the jeering mob. … You won't have Paul Green to kick around anymore. The School of Rock impresario/Apollo Creed member is moving his family to Manhattan in time for Don Argott's documentary, Rock School, to open. …Wanna help Sherone Rabinovitz finish The Push and see lead John Lumia without mooks like Gervase and Evil Jared (his co-stars in White Men Can't Rap)? Go to the April 9 fund-raiser at Marathon Grill at Commerce Square. … Did Stargazer Lily break up? Could anyone care still? … Nothing spells Adidas like, uh, muhfuhcking Matt Pond PA? Indeed, The O.C. 's best bud opens South Street's Adidas shop April 8, with new-sneaker-smelling pop. … Philly dawgs Jay Erving and Troy Carter of ErvingWonder — the management behind Jadakiss and Eve — just picked up Milkshaker Kelis. … After nine years of having to put up with his brother's big gay parties, Frank Sparacino and wife Tami have sold LaTazza and the apartments atop it. "They're being very secretive," says brother Tony, whose final "Lucky Lounge" at LaTazza hits April 8 before its May start at The Mansion. Meanwhile, Inn Philadelphia at 251 Camac closed, which is weird because I thought it closed five years ago. … Now that Ted Enoch — Doc Watson's booker — has time to kill, he's producing Union Dead terror-tracks at his Sweetcreek Studio. Before the wonky Donuts disappear (till fall) to record The Monkey Wrench Gang, they'll play two gigs: April 11 at Bar Noir and May 1 at Khyber. … Pope-painting Perry Milou's Gallery must move, what with Scott "Butcher's Café" Shuster taking over Milou's 1805 Chestnut Street space for a new saloon. … WHOWHATWHERE: It sounded like an April Fools' joke: "Tom Waits izzat Betsy Ross' House with his kids, looking like a praying mantis." Sure enough, Waits and family were also spotted at Buddakan and the Art Museum, sans pasties, sans G-strings. Man with the Screaming Brain star Bruce Campbell was nearly sans venue as Broadway Theater — home to Joseph A. Gervasi's Exhumed Films — got closed down due to bank foreclosure. "It looks like we are out of a venue, which is a million percent bad news," said Gervasi. But International House in Philly saved the day by hosting Campbell, Exhumed and their midnight screening. "I-House hasn't seen that many white men in a long time," said Gervasi. … We cry that Clear Channel's PR gal Carrie McLaughlin has flown the coop with little-to-no-warning. Wah. But we hail a "howdy" to newbie Nancy Farbman. … Send those b-day kisses to: Philly Film Fest hoss Thom Cardwell, who hits 60 at Positano Coast, April 9; booking lass Stacie George, who gots Dave P. and pals feting at Khyber April 8; and Georges Perrier's Le Bec Fin, celebrating 35 April 12 with a party whose invite portrays a scary Caesar-haired Perrier in his yout'. … Now that their decade-plus "Heavy" is over, what'll DJs Willyum and Rob Paine do? "Rob and his wife Kelly just had a child," says Will of Elijah Sullivan Paine. "I suggest everyone go out and get one," says Rob. Though busy with diapers, Rob and Will'll toil on with their dubby Worship label. And they have The Shakedown, a house-sound label named after their every-second-Saturday at Silk City, which debuts with Will and Paine's own "Time" with poet Oskar "Bohiti" Castro, April 9.