May 12-18, 2005

music

icepack

by A.D. Amorosi

May Is Beef Month In Pennsylvania. When I spied that sign during a drunken Cinco-spree on South Street, I sprayed Cuervo through my nose, I laughed so hard. It reminded me of the absolute gayishness of queeny, meaty, big 'n' bouncy Freddie Mitchell, recently ousted from the Eagles' nest. (Now where will I go to see a man in a fur with a corn-rowed mohawk?) It reminded me of the swishy Abe Lincoln cheese wheel. (Wanna piece? Dig the National Constitution Center May 14 when a 12-inch wheel of Sorrento parmigiano gets turned into a Lincoln penny.) And it reminded me that the Academy of Music is holding kiddie auditions for Evita May 24 at Kimmel's Commonwealth Plaza. (A whole new generation of children will learn grand, sweeping hand gestures.) … Speaking of gay, actor Alan Cumming will be at A Beautiful Life on Bridge St. in New Hope May 14 for that sleepy burg's pride weekend. He's not coming to antique. Rather, he's shilling Cumming — The Fragrance, signing bottles, pressing flesh. "When Alan found out ageless prima drag queen Geritol (Erika Kane) works here, he knew it was meant to be," says A Beautiful Life's Anthony Artur of his rock 'n' rolling, queer-friendly shop. "Where better to promote Cumming?" … Irma Preikschat won't let New Hope have all the fun. S/he's auditioning "up-and-coming" drag queens May 15 at Attic Youth Center (255 S. 16th) for June's Drag Kings and Drama Queens gender-bending show/beauty pageant. "For first-timers and youths, I want to see if they have ideas about what they're doing and if they need help developing," says Irma. And what the heck is this at Monkey Bar? A gay "Monkey Butt Thursday"? ... One14 starts "House of Style" Fridays hosted by back-from-dead diva Miss Phoenix (oh, gurl, you know you look good) with spinners Guido and Tronco behind him/her, sorta. … Philadelphian expat couturier Ralph Rucci got the Crystal Star Award for Design Excellence from Drexel U's fashion head Emil DeJohn at the Philadelphia Museum of Art. What did DeJohn and Drexel get, other than money from a Rucci-donated silent auction and the eve's proceeds? $90,000 worth of hand-painted, beaded and sequinned Rucci silks and cashmeres for his couture class to use. "My students won't have to shop at JoMar's" Fabrics, says DeJohn. … You must be a dynasty to exist in Philly's restaubar world. That's why Valanni's owner George Anni and exec chef Evan Turney open Mercado May 18 across the street at the location where ye olde Camac Food Market stood. … The only people to dis www.y100rocks.com are the cumslurpers who didn't get to play the station when it was FM-banded. Now even those folk must kneel since Weezer — the band every one of you haters look like --— stopped to pay respects at a secret Indre hang Monday before their Electric Factory show. ... Say you want a new DA? Republican attorney Louis Schwartz wants you. And he wants you to party with jazz-singing hostess Erika Schiff at The Mansion May 12 at 5:30 p.m. Oh, and he wants money. … FILMDOM: Mark Wahlberg's Vince Papale flick, Helen Hunt's Then She Found Me and M. Night Shyamalan's Lady in the Water all start Philly shoots in August. What's shooting now? Dogs — a far sight prettier than Hunt. June's International Dog Film Festival is looking to shoot a trailer wherein a pooch talks up the Fest. That dog's bound to be smarter than Wahlberg. Get him to Philadelphia Casting via phillycasting@mac.com pronto. Then there's Joe Gervasi's Exhumed Films, whose B-movie flick-and-trailer series closed down when the Broadway Theatre in New Jersey unexpectedly closed last week. Gervasi's first reaction? "We're flat-out f'd." That is until International House came to the rescue. "We've yet to formalize the deal, but systems should be go-go," says Gervasi, who expects a first triple-feature as early as late July. Finally, the debut of Philly's production duo Hart/Lunsford offers the debut of local director J. Miller Tobin, How You Look at Me, at Painted Bride May 14. Tobin directed Numbers for CBS. But don't hold that against him. … Sylvester Stallone signs a book he actually wrote, Stay Fit, Eat Right, at Barnes & Noble Rittenhouse Square May 12. Seeing Sly reduced to exercise books is good. Seeing Real World Philadelphia's busty Sarah Burke hosting a white-trash pre-bikini-contest bash in Conshohocken May 13 — at Bergey's Sports Bar, no less — is sweetly lowbrow. … You won't have charitable rocker/Hoppy the Frog associate Mark Boucot to kick around. He's moving to Nashville. But not without a last gig — May 12 at Tin Angel with Kenn Kweder — and last charity, with all proceeds to benefit the WXPN Musicians On Call Program. … "I've run full-page ads in Philly mag. No response. I buy 12 billboards at the airport. Phones never stop ringing." That's David Neff of Neff and Associates revealing tricks of the trade. He'll reveal even more to his fiancee, Jennie Josephs, when they get married May 15. Mazel tov.