May 12-18, 2005

tv party!

Taters 'n' Asscrack

Venting about the Blue Collar Comedy TV show/tour/movement.

by Joey Sweeney

All the good people on Earth know that when redneck slangologist Jeff Foxworthy dies, the devil's gonna roast that fucker real good. He'll chase him up a burning mountain, branding his ass with a hot poker that has the Wu-Tang Clan logo on it, all the while telling ol' Foxy jokes that start with, "You know, you might be burning in eternal hellfire IF "

But as baffling as Foxworthy's entire hack output is, nothing beats the bafflement provided by Blue Collar TV, which is, at this point, let's face it, a cultural movement in the same league as, like, the John Birch Society or all those tools driving around with magnetic yellow nonribbons. And lucky for them, this is just the audience that BCTV is going for.

Steeped in the same antiquated Aw-Shucks Pantheon as Hee-Haw or Laugh-In (but minus all the icky "progressive" humor), Blue Collar TV (the TV show) is more than a movement, though: It's also a sketch comedy show. Relying on a cast of stock characters that include Foxworthy as the smart-alecky straight man (although that mustache has always made me wonder), Larry the Cable Guy as the plumber's ass-crackin' rube, Bill Engvall as Cleaned-Up Hick No. 2, and various Hollywood self-deluders as the supporting cast. (In case you've ever wondered what happens to people when they don't make the cut for MADtv, this is it.)

I know what you're asking: But is it funny? Hell no! It's a piece of shit.

For one thing, the show does something pretty insidious by tacitly merging "blue collar" with "white trash." And for anyone who's ever been either, there's a huge difference especially if, God forbid, you're not white. Secondly, this is not even done in the service of anything laffworthy at all. Foxworthy's patented Redneck Dictionary translated into brief illustrative sketches? Check. (Ugh.) Sending Larry the Cable Guy to Victoria's Secret? Check. (Unsurprisingly, he's got the same rap as every other douchebag who's ever gone into an underwear store for laffs.) And when the ideas really run out, it's time to cut back to that rip-roarin' standup. All that's missing is the brick wall and airplane jokes. Because, you know, those country folk don't get on airplanes much. Whatever.

But the fact that it exists now, in this little slice of time that can't decide whether it's End Times or just a great time to be ironically racist, reactionary and xenophobic, is interesting enough that, sooner or later, if you want to understand the kind of shitheap America has become, you'll have to watch. You'll just have to!

BCTV got its start as the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, which was nothing if not an angry white man's reinterpretation of the Original Kings Of Comedy, the tour and movie that launched the careers of Cedric the Entertainer and Steve Harvey, etc. (Most of which was wildly unfunny also, but you get the feeling that the Blue Collar dudes might not care as much about that as they do the thrill that comes with coveting and then reappropriating the ideas of black men.) Anyway, the Blue Collar Tour took the aforementioned three crackers and teamed them with Ron White, who's kind of the redneck equivalent of Bill Hicks; this may not sound all that bad, but keep in mind that this man's nickname is "Tater." Blessed with a kind of push-and-pull libertarian sensibility — hey, he's got a pro-gay joke! — Tater is kind of the John Lennon of the whole Blue Collar Comedy thing, and if you feel like he is lacking from the TV show, fear not: He's been appearing on TV almost constantly lately, and it's only a matter of time before someone puts him in a sitcom where he becomes the guardian of a black kid, a hot girl and a rabbi.

Like slavery, Miracle Whip and Death Cab For Cutie, it's just one more thing white people have to be ashamed of.

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TV/Tivo Tips!
May 12-25

Bombing of Osage Avenue
Thu., May 12, 10 p.m., WHYY
This is a pretty good way to tell that it must not be PBS Beg Week. One-hour doc on the city's lamest moment in modern memory, hopefully updated to include the fact/irony that to ever truly rectify that neighborhood, the rebuilt houses themselves will need to meet with a little of Ol' Wilson's plastique.

Meet the Barkers (Marathon)
Sat., May 14, 8-11 p.m., MTV
Gently lullaby the remainders of last night's hangover with MTV's new grab for the punk-rock-dad audience: Travis of blink-182 not only changes poopy diapers, but he also rocks a Sidekick!

Popularity Contest
Sun., May 15, 10 p.m., CMT
Oh, hell yes. From the synopsis: "Ten contestants compete to be the most popular resident in a small town in Texas." My bet is on the guy with the jerky. Oh, wait, that's all of them. Shit.

Prom Fight: The Marc Hall Story
Mon., May 16, 8 p.m., Sundance
Those Canadians and their silly human rights! 2002 doc about a young guy who goes up against the school board in his town so he can take his boyfriend to the prom. Part of Sundance's not-too-shabby Monday night DOCday series.