(Season record: 1-0)

Here's some bad news for a city that has its eyes on a lone silver prize: If the season ended early Tuesday morning — oh man, imagine if it did — your Philadelphia Eagles wouldn't be in the playoffs.

The Giants, 49ers, Lions and Buccaneers? All division champs. America's Saints and Atlanta's Falcons? Hola, wild-card berths. Good thing Dallas played an AFC team; otherwise, their 28-point performance would've had them playing into January too. And if you thought that kick-in-the-gut feeling you got when Donovan's shoulder pads came off the other night was bad, imagine the ebolic nausea that would accompany a Cowboys-in, Birds-out postseason.

But I digress. For as unsettled as everything felt on a chippy Monday night in Hotlanta, 15 weeks is ample time to right a ship that's taking on water. That much is clear. But it's hard to shake the feeling that loss number one resembled the wood-chipper scene in Fargo, but only because I've never actually seen a movie depicting lambs being led to slaughter. (Does such a thing exist? If so, does the loudest lamb acknowledge his ill-fated nemesis before the blade-wielding farmer arrives?)

It'd been all drama — too much drama — for months. And if that weren't enough of a bad foot to get off on, by the time the pregame-introductions smoke cleared, any chances of stopping the run were in the locker room with the ejected Axe Man. Considering they were on the road, on Monday night, against a well-coached team hell-bent on vengeance, it'd be easy to say we should've seen this coming.

Which leads me to my next point: We should've seen this coming.

So, welcome to the first week of the Birds' save-the-season campaign. On paper, they should steamroll San Francisco down at the Linc home-opener Sunday. But paper can't go far enough to explain how pure hatred factors into an NFL game. And pure hatred is what the 49ers got for T.O.

Plus, the Niners, who downright suck on that paper, are still riding the emotion of a season-launching, confidence-building upset over the Rams. Since none of the Eagles seemed all that hyped to be on the field — minus Brian Dawkins, whose IV musta been loaded with Red Bull — this squad is downright unreadable today. Could they come out and win by 31? Sure. But after Monday, it's folly to presume they're out of the soap-opera woods yet.

Defensive lineman Bryant Young will get a couple good blitz shots on McNabb. Linebacker Julian Peterson, who was in San Fran before T.O. walked and quacked his way out of town, will lick his chops and shatter the aforementioned receiver the first time he goes across the middle. And Brian Westbrook? Can't even venture a guess, but I know this much: He don't look happy. The defense will again hold up its part of the deal, but with the offense off-kilter for a second consecutive week, the lowly Tim Rattay will lead his team on a turnover-launched touchdown drive and three field goals, which will be enough for …

49ers 16, Eagles 14.