For months, health officials worldwide have been warning about the possibility of a new Asian avian flu virus becoming pandemic (meaning an epidemic of global proportions), even though there have been only about 100 reported cases in Vietnam and China.

Virologists know communicable viruses like this can mutate, transfer to humans and expand their reach exponentially. Having already proven resistant to existing vaccines, the avian flu's 50 percent mortality rate portends medical catastrophe. In the United States, the past few seasons have seen an uptick in virulent, drug-resistant strains that have been life-threatening, especially to the elderly and the very young.

Complicating matters last year was the government's mismanagement of flu vaccines; we ran out before flu peaked in most parts of the country. Luckily, contagion was not as bad as predicted — as opposed to the previous year, when emergency rooms nationwide were swarmed with flu patients.

This avian super-flu is another animal altogether. Reports from the Centers for Disease Control and World Health Organization warn that it has the potential to be as lethal as the 1918 flu epidemic, which claimed somewhere between 20 to 40 million lives worldwide. The new bug presents additional complications. Flu vaccines are ordinarily prepared in fertilized chicken eggs; the fact that birds are the host for avian flu compounds the difficulty in developing an effective vaccine strategy. An effective vaccine has been developed, but cannot be produced quickly enough to head off the next flu season. Maybe we will be lucky and the avian flu won't hit, but researchers don't really know. So here is my unscientific regimen to deal with a rough flu season if it hits.

1. Exercise. There is an adage that dancers don't get sick; the reason is exercise. Explosive physical activity stimulates the immune system.
2. Clean. My mother was right, after all. Like many a valiant soldier in the germ war, she disinfected her house within an inch of her four dirty kids' lives. (And don't forget to wash your hands like a surgeon.)
3. My parents were wrong, though: Keep your house colder and allow drafts to circulate. Nothing incubates airborne microbes faster than a hot, closed-up house.
4. Be Zsa Zsa, as in Gabor, by air-kissing people you aren't sleeping with. And for those who are sexually active, invent new ways for safe sex to include protection against upper respiratory communicable viruses. Yes, face condoms might be the answer.
5. Be Spartan. Don't clasp fingers if you must shake hands; grab the forearms like a Roman centurion. Otherwise wear gloves — kid gloves for meals, rubber or latex for shopping or outings, and black cloth or leather for evening wear.
6. Consume lots of fruit, such as apples and blueberries, which contain agents that improve your circulation. Eat raw garlic and anything in the onion and pepper family. Squeeze your own grapefruit and orange juice. Eat yogurt and hot cereals.
7. Be Russian. If it is snowing, take the garbage out in your underwear and rub snow on your chest (you too, ladies). By getting frigid, or taking cold showers, you're stimulating the immune system.
8. Practice deep yogic breathing daily. It's disgusting but effective. Especially the exercises that require forceful exhalations. It clears the nasal passages and helps keep the lower lungs clear.
9. Be a souse. I was a bartender for years and my remedy was the elixir of choice. Here's the recipe: Simmer green tea with fresh ginger, oranges, lemons and buckwheat honey. Boil rye-flavored brandy, Irish whiskey, orange liquor and Benedictine. Pour all of the ingredients into a large teapot. Steep. Keep hot and sip. Pass out.
10. Nevertheless, get any available flu shot before or during the season. There are dozens of different flu viruses and the shot usually protects against the most common types.

Lewis Whittington is a City Paper contributor. If you would like to respond to this Slant, or have one of your own (750 words), e-mail Duane Swierczynski.