Campus Philly's annual Kick-Off Concert and Festival is like an early spring break for the thousands of area college kids who will descend upon Ben Franklin Parkway this weekend. Past bills boasted headliners Busta Rhymes, The Roots and The Low Budgets; this year's lineup features Canadian emcee k-os (straight outta Toronto), pseudo-dance rockers Head Automatica and local hip-hoppers Subliminal Orphans. The schedule is busier than the commuter slut, but we've taken liberties to narrowly stereotype four college subcultures and make must-see suggestions for each. You're welcome.

The Live-Journaling, File-Sharing, 12-Sided-Die-Rolling Dorm Dork
Smartypants should start by hopping on the Rodin Museum bus loop to the National Constitution Center and take a moment to learn the history of the city you've chosen to study in. After you get your learn on, stop by the Greater Philadelphia Students' Association VIP Student Leaders Area, featuring a lounge setup where future mayors, senators and presidents can video-game and network. If all this colonialism and leadership talk makes your eyelids droop, nerd out at the TechKnowOverload Tour with the Geek Squad's latest in tech-savvy gadgets.

The Omega Lambda Pi Sigma Chi Alpha Male
Get out there and fraternize before the big concert during the Greek Step Show, organized by Temple's Program Board and spotlighting hot moves from the Owls' dance team. Yeah, he really did that with a cane. Lastly, prepare yourself for more shredders than the Technodrome could ever hold. Franklin's Paine, the folks behind the Schuylkill River Skatepark, are constructing a Junk Jam. The catch? Instead of using ramps, boarders will have to master tricks off junkyard scraps.

The Future Record Store Clerk
Stop organizing your vinyl chronologically and get your pasty ass into the September sunshine. The local music stage is reason enough with This Radiant Boy, the Paul Green School of Rock, Adam 12 and Kenneth Masters tearing shit up Philly-style. If it's turntablism that scratches your fancy, check out the DJ tent with the Illvibe Collective and Substitution spinning booty-shaking hot jams. Cap off with the After Kick-Off at The Rotunda, running from 8 p.m. to midnight and featuring yet more musically inclined locals and a free screening of the new Wallace & Gromit movie, The Curse of the Were-Rabbit.

The Liberal Art Snob
College Day on the Parkway allows students to visit 11 area museums for free with a valid ID, which means outside-the-boxers can save a Jackson hitting up the Franklin Institute and Eastern State Penitentiary. Later in the day, hippies should swing by the Idealist.org Involvement Fair to learn about careering with a nonprofit. More than 30 local organizations are participating this year, including Hugs for Puppies and Spiral Q Puppet Theater. It's never too early to start job-hunting, especially if it's for a good cause. Most importantly, the Hurricane Katrina Relief Effort will be accepting donations throughout the Kick-Off — every nerd, hippie, jock, frat boy and indie snob should search the dormitory couch for quarters before heading downtown.

College Day on the Parkway, Sat., Sept. 24, 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Parkway museums, free with student ID; Campus Philly Kick-Off 2005, Sat., Sept. 24, noon-7 p.m., free, Ben Franklin Parkway; Campus Philly After Kick-Off, Sat., Sept. 24, 8 p.m.-2 a.m., free, The Rotunda, 4014 Walnut St.; 215-746-4757, www.campusphilly.org.