Tease-A-Rama

What began four years ago as an online showcase of Portland's pierced-up pinups has evolved into a live, punk-inspired burlesque show currently ripping shit up shore to shore. And lucky you, America's premier alterna-sweethearts are spanking Philadelphia into submission Sunday night when they take it all off at the Starlight Ballroom. Credited with launching the burlesque revival, the Suicide Girls have spawned a number of copycat Web sites and legions of equally pierced-up fans. But despite its expert status in Manic Panic application, the goth/glam group admits it's not particularly experienced in the traditional art of burlesque. As ex-Suicide chick Stormy puts it on the group's first live tour DVD, "It's bitches taking their clothes off in a synchronized, classy manner"; SG Reagan later adds, "It's not dancing, 'cause we all kinda suck at dancing."

Despite SG's huge following, some local showgirls aren't impressed with the whipped cream-slinging shtick. (Pastie points for trying though!) SkinTightOuttaSight Rebel Burlesque dancer Tanya Cheex says most of the girls wouldn't cut it in her troupe: "They operate best as pinups and not as a live act." Peek-A-Boo Revue dancer Heather Boa agrees: "They're marketing it as burlesque when it should be a sexy punk rock show where the girls show off their best talents."

So clearly there's more to old-school seduction than stripping, spanking and soaking oneself in beer. Think you've got what it takes? Here are the basics --and a few tricks of the trade, as revealed by Philly's most seasoned burlesque artists — to channel your inner Bettie Page:So What Is Burlesque? A variety show characterized by ribald comedy, dancing and striptease. Whether it's a slow, classic strip down to the skivvies or a racy, energetic bounce to the bottom, it's all about tongue-in-cheek humor, cheeky fun and, well, cheeks.

Who Does It? "Dita Von Teese is burlesque for the masses," says Cheex. Other bump-and-grind icons include Marilyn Monroe, the aforementioned Page, Sally Rand, Dixie Evans and Lili St. Cyr, getting major props for the fan and balloon dances.

What About Style? Cheex's crew specializes in revisionist burlesque, a throwback to "feminist archetypes like frustrated '50s housewives or femme fatales." Most troupes seek inspiration in 1940s and '50s pop culture or put a modern spin on Vegas-style rockabilly bump and grind.

Tell First, Then Show? Nudity should never steal the spotlight — this ain't Club Ozz. SkinTightOuttaSight's performances feature three hours of burlesque plus a mind reader, belly dancer, magician and contortionist. Mosh pits and messy condiments don't count.

Whatever Shall I Wear? "Our costumes are so expensive I practically live on a diet of rhinestones and sequins," says Cheex. Many outfits are handmade, and a corseteer is in charge of lacing them up. Other wardrobe necessities include fishnets, satin gloves, seamed stockings and pasties.

What's in a Name? All Suicide Girls take the last name "Suicide" when they become members but pick stage names themselves: Snow, Fractal, Sphinx, Cinnamon. Think animals, shattered bones and spice racks.

The Verdict? "No matter what we think of [SG] and their talents, they've piqued the public's interest in this long-forgotten, great American erotic art," says Hellcat's Kiki Berlin, "which is a good thing for all performers."

Suicide Girls Live Burlesque Show, Sun., Oct. 9, 8 p.m., $12, with Tsu Shi Ma Mi Rae, Starlight Ballroom, 460 N. Ninth St., www.suicidegirls.com; Suicide Girls: The First Tour DVD signing, Mon., Oct. 10, noon, Tower Records, 100 S. Broad St., 215-568-8001.