Sports & Recreation

It's been business as usual for sports teams in town this year. The Eagles, Phillies and Sixers finished seasons with varying degrees of heartache, while the Flyers disappointed only in not actually taking the ice. But this town's about more than the pros. We're about bowling (supposedly) and biking, backgammon and poker, Frisbees and dog parks. Oh, and about competitively shoveling wings down our throats. Go sports!

Best Place to Pitch and Catch Balls
A softball league that doubles as a dating service, the LGBT City of Brotherly Love Softball League has been around for 15 years. After the summer and fall Sunday games, rivalries heat up as players claw over newcomers and try to hook up with the ex of the one they hooked up with a week before. This league is made up of competitive players -- on and off the field. www.cblsl.org
--DD

Most Dangerous Hipster Affectation
When I'm out on my aging Trek, dodging lumbering buses, oblivious pedestrians and quite-possibly blind cab drivers, the last thing I want to see is some biker with those fucking earbuds. Yes, I'm talking about wearing iPods while biking. I don't care how low you have the volume. I don't care if you downloaded podcasted directions. Odds are, you're just listening to your stupid Arcade Fire shuffle, so save it for your cubicle, you loser.
--MP

Most Essential Urban Equipment
You may not have to carry 50 pounds of other people's packages regularly, but that doesn't mean you don't need a R.E.Load bag. In a range of sizes and designs limited only by your imagination, R.E.Load's line of locally built, hand-stitched bespoke courier bags make for an absolute urban necessity. And even if you don't have to, isn't it nice to know you can get a month's groceries home without one of those wheeled, old-lady carts? www.reloadbags.com
--JB

Best Place to Play Backgammon
When the Melrose Diner kicks you out, head down the avenue to Shisha Café. This little bar lets you stay for hours. Just waltz past the locals and order tea, Mediterranean food or a hookah for five bucks. A big-screen television plays Bollywood videos at low volume in the rear room: Grab the backgammon and settle in back there. The bright white lighting and turbo air conditioning, while not exactly cozy, help increase alertness and concentration on the game. Bring a sweater. 1439 Snyder Ave.
--TF

Most Tantalizing Prospect
Watching Andre Iguodala for the next X years. They say that Iguodala, the Sixer guard/forward who just started his sophomore year in the NBA, has been working on his jumpshot. If he does, in fact, improve his J, it would be added to an already formidable arsenal of stunning athleticism, tremendous defensive energy and an excellent court sense. The best part? Iguodala's not yet 22. Note to Sixers brass: We like this kid. Let's see what we can do to keep him around.
--DT

Most Dominant, anonymous Pro Athlete
The NHL was locked out, and the AHL had a mini-attendance crisis, so you might not have noticed, but the Phantoms absolutely killed everybody last season. And they couldn't have done it without the cool, crazy play of goalie Antero Niittymaki. Dude set a new shutouts record and all-around crushed.
--PR

Most Unfortunate Pregame Quote
A day before his Temple Owls took on Big Five rival Saint Joseph's, John Chaney told a conference-call full of reporters that he'd send a "goon" into the game to take care of bidness if the refs didn't pay attention to what he considered illegal picks run by the Hawks. A day later, he launched 250-pound Nehemiah Ingram onto the court. Ingram proceeded to foul everything in sight, including Saint Joseph's John Bryant, whose college career ended when Ingram spiked him into the hardwood. Even Chaney apologists cringed and wondered whether a Philly legend finally crossed the line.
--H

Best Place to Go Hozo for a Huck
It's neither lush grass nor forgiving ground that makes Edgely Field in Fairmount Park "the mecca of Philadelphia Ultimate," says Philadelphia Area Disc Alliance veteran Chris Panna. "It's the ambience." The complex near Belmont Avenue boasts its own clubhouse and can accommodate up to six simultaneous games. Don't sweat that concussion you just got from laying out on D, says Panna: "You're gonna get some cheers, and you're gonna get some beers after the game." www.pada.org
--NN

Most Disappointing Lack of Lowbrow Entertainment
North Bowl still isn't open because of liquor license trouble and that's a shame, but once it opens, we'll have another NoLibs joint in which hipsters may admire one another. Is that what we need? We say no. The bowling situation is critical; it's time to put an end to the hordes of folks traveling to Jersey to enjoy mammoth alleys, hair metal and cheap beer and bring this unique joy right here. Delaware Avenue seems a good place, guys. Please?
--NA

Best Place for Women to Work Out and get Fabulous Nails
Hidden down the street from about four or five funeral homes, a tanning salon and a nail shop is an all-women's gym that's so South Philly: Lady Fitness Center. For less than 20 bucks a month, women can drop a few pounds, hear the latest gossip on the neighborhood, and find out the best place to get highlights. It's a small place, but it squeezes fitness with style. 2439 S. Broad St., 215-465-5239
--DD

Worst Dog Park Maneuver
Picking up your dog. So you go to pull your pug away from the German Shepherd he's grappling with. You reach down, get a hand on his collar, and then… whatever you do, DO NOT pick him up. The shepherd will see the pug up in the air, acting all high and mighty, and interpret it as an act of aggression. And then he will eat him.
--DT

Best Place to Buy Sneakers if You're Gonna Actually Use Them to Run around, Not Just Wear Them With Jeans
The staff at Philadelphia Runner will look at your foot, watch your gait, ask what you'll be doing, where, when and how often you'll be doing it, what the weather's going to be like, and bring you the right kicks. They've also got all the clothes, accessories and gadgets you need to get your fat ass off the couch and run. More cred: They sponsor the Philadelphia Track Club, which includes several PR employees. A group run leaves the store at 6 p.m. every Thursday, and there's a locker room in the back for PTC members. 1601 Sansom St., 215-972-8333, www.philadelphiarunner.com
--MH

Philly's Own Hidden Valley Ranch
Not only is the tiny grassy knoll between Chestnut and Walnut on Third, by the First Bank building, a lovely place to kick back with a lemonade on a sunny summer day (or a guilt-free ice cream cone from Crema Lita), but you can laugh and laugh as those colonial re-enactors sweat their asses off teaching kids ye olde hoop-and-stick game from your cool, quiet perch.
--LH

Biggest Turncoat
"Concrete Charlie" Bednarik, come on down! You earned a lifetime exile from Eaglesland since you publicly wished they'd lose Super Bowl XXXIX because Jeffrey Lurie wouldn't buy copies of your unreadable book. Thanks for nothing, assbag.
--H

Best Break From the Psychodrama That Is the Eagles
Watch one of those genuinely funny Campbell´s Chunky Soup ads starring Donovan McNabb's mom, Wilma. My favorite from last season, sounding the common infantilizing theme, showed Wilma on the team bus leading the boys in a few rounds of "Wheels on the Bus." The treating-these-big-scary-guys-like-the-kids-they-are bit has more than doubled Chunky Soup sales. I'm wondering, no joke, if it also might be the key to successfully managing the shrink cases on the Eagles. (There's usually truth in humor, after all.) You know the Wilma of the Chunky Soup ads wouldn't have put up with that Owens/McNabb bickering for one second.
--CW

Lowest Risk Poker Practice
If you want to get the hang of the poker craze but can't risk the cash or bother with online rooms, head to New Wave Café on Wednesday nights at 9:30 p.m. for free tournament-style practice. Everyone starts with equal chips, and the last player standing gets $75 off his or her bar tab. It's a good way to play with all different types and learn style and strategy. Third and Catharine sts., 215-922-8484, www.newwavecafe.com
--NA

Don't Go, Ryan: Here's to hoping the Phillies keep young slugger Ryan Howard around for a while.

Surest Future Sign That Your Team Has Its Head Up Its Ass
If, sometime this off season, you read this headline: "Phils Deal Ryan Howard for Bag of Balls," you will know that the Phillies Just. Don't. Get it. Howard is blocked at first base by the aging, increasingly hobbled and expensive Jim Thome. But that's no reason to trade Howard -- who is young and cheap and the team's first homegrown African-American power-hitting prospect since Richie Allen. For a team with such a backward history when it comes to race relations, Howard could be a boon. Even if the Phils pay $7 million per annum for Thome to play somewhere else, that's a bargain for the type of production Howard is poised to put up for the next umpteen years.
--BH

Family-Friendliest Language on a Basketball Court
Ever seen a basketball game where uttering even the simplest, quietest curse is strictly prohibited? Or one where a member of each team recites a portion of the Gospel? The Youth Ministry Basketball League, in which churches from around the city field teams to compete against one another, makes this very unlikely phenomenon a reality.
--DT

Friendliest Tennis in Philly
Leave your Johnny Mac at home and channel your inner Paradorn Srichaphan. Be the court jester and enjoy the company at The Lakes at Broad and Pattison. Ace your serves or bobble your returns, no matter, but at all costs, have fun. Not that it'll cost you a penny -- the friendliest tennis in Philly can be found at the newly resurfaced courts at FDR Park. Grab your gear and join the fun. FDR Park, Broad St. and Pattison Ave.
--CV

Chick-Friendliest Bike Shop
We've heard nasty tales of bike shops where the clerks gouge a lady because she looks like she might not know better or touch her questionably while trying to find the "right bike fit." The kind and gentlemanly gentlemen at Via Bicycle are always helpful and fair about pricing, and there's no funny business. Sure, they may be bike geeks, but isn't that what you want in a bike shop? 606 S. Ninth St., 215-627-3370
--NA

Best Probably Rigged Contest (That We Don't Care About Being Rigged)
Oh man, remember The Wing Bowl's Hollywood ending, wherein El Wingador retired a champion? There's really no way that was on the up-and-up, right? In a competition where the local hero was pitted against Sonya Thomas (aka The Black Widow, aka "that little Asian woman," as Angelo Cataldi liked to sneer), one where the eaten-ness of chicken wings is judged by local nigh-celebrities in an arena full of oh-so-panderable-to chanters? You telling me that really happened? I don't care.
--PR

Best Place To Go Big-Game Hunting
Thousands starve while big dumb animals get paid to roam The Linc. Let's bring in some high-powered rifles and cull the herd. Preserved right, one Sunday's worth of football players and their funnel cake-fattened fans could feed the city's hungry for years.
--MJF

Laid to Waste: Nothing good happens at the sports complex anyway. Let´s raze it and put in a homeless shelter, shall we?

Biggest Waste of Space
Recently, other cities have shown that it's possible to turn stadiums into shelters and triage centers. We can do better. Philly's full of people who need homes and free medical care. Let's stop playing games and make Broad and Pattison a hub for the city's neediest. The sports complex needs all the good karma it can get.
--MJF

Best View, Nighttime Division
Hop on Ridge Avenue in Manayunk going northwest. It's a tough climb out to the Ivyridge Shopping Center, but it all pays off when you make a left onto Domino Laneand fly downhill straight through the radio antenna farm
. Just coasting, you go fast enough to make your eyes water, and, if you do this in the evening, the unexpected light show will have you believing in intelligent design.
--BH