Politicians say they fear for the country's security now that an Arab company controls several U.S. ports, including Philadelphia's. Effin' xenophobes. Just because it's an Arab company? Even

Sultan Ahmed bin Sulayem, chairman of that company, was once a Temple grad student. Oh my god, we're all gonna die! Plus 1

A $1.9 million cafeteria management system will be added to Philly schools by next year, to help parents designate which foods are off-limits to their children. Behold: the Tasty-Klair Shock Collar! Plus 1

Rick Santorum may have violated the Senate's ethics policy in how he got his mortgage loan, says Daily News. "Dang me," sighs Santorum. "I knew I shouldn't have let Sultan Ahmed bin Sulayem co-sign." Minus 6

Employees of Huntingdon Life Sciences who were attacked by animal rights protesters blame the Philly-based group Stop Huntingdon Animal Cruelty in federal court. Stop Huntingdon Life Sciences Employee Abuse stages counter-counter-protest by biting the heads off lab rats. Minus 1

New Jersey man causes scare at airport when he's caught with a bag of foot powder attached to his leg with a rubber band. "I have debilitating corns and tetters," says man before being tasered. Minus 2

Philadelphia region is tied with New York for fourth in Katrina relief donations per capita. "Much obliged," said the thank-you card from Ray Nagin. "Please enjoy this delicious Chocolate City Sampler." Plus 2

Philly woman recognizes a picture of a homeless man in the Daily News as her long-lost father and the two are reunited. And when she finally got him home, Bill Conlin slept soundly and deeply, as if for the very first time. Plus 4

Total pluses: 8
Total minuses: 9
This week's total: -1
Last week's total: 3