The ones who did show too weren't always funny. "A lot of people at these events don't understand the premise that you're supposed to insult the guest," he said. "So you get state Rep. Mark Cohen reading a bio of Segal and kissing his ass for 10 minutes. No jokes, let alone a zinger."

Though Mayor Street opened with his usual—"I'll be brief no matter how long it takes"—he managed an original joke about giving Segal a paid vacation hunting trip with Dick Cheney. Wah-wah.

But even with a quickly written script, the best zings of the night belonged, not surprisingly, to Byko. A sampling:

• When I first heard the words "Mark Segal" and "ballroom," I thought it had something to do with his tight pants.

• As emcee, I figured I'd be able to take a few shots at Mark, but that was before the future of the Daily News became so cloudy. I now realize I might have to find work elsewhere. I asked Mark yesterday if he might have a job. "Yeah!" he cackled. "You'd have to work under me." [Maybe] Sen. Fumo could use an etiquette coach. You don't call a fellow senator a "faggot" on the Senate floor. You wait until you're at the Bike Stop.

• I know Mark is good with money. When he and [beau] Jason [Villemez] go to the movies he gets two tickets—one student and one senior.

• Having a room named after yourself usually doesn't happen until after you are dead, so I take it this was just wishful thinking on someone's part. The PGN Watch Bloggers, maybe?

• The governor was going to be here but he just pulled ahead in the polls and doesn't have to.

• I tried explaining to Mark that maybe people aren't homophobic. Maybe they just don't like you!

Byko must surely expect some of the same when his bachelor party—thrown by best man Harry Jay Katz—goes down at Club Risque April 6.