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With Silk City closing in anticipation of Mark Bee's buyout every Silk-er is having a closeout sale, calling theirs the LAST-ever night: School of Rock-guy Mike Sabolick's Dog and Pony, March 22; Lush Puppy and Ryder with Walker Lundee, March 27. The real close is supposedly March 31. (Is Bee installing Martha Graham Cracker, Scotty the Blue Bunny and Joey Martini in his take on Silk for a Sunday cabaret?) Bee's other boite, N. 3rd, finds itself in teensy transition with Psydde Delicious morphing his Rock 'n' Roll Queer Bar Wednesday: less specialized, different name, prolly less "anti-Madonna homos" whipping out schlongs for free PBR. "More of just a DJ gig," says Psydde. With funny projections. Look for Psydde to combine RnRQB with his Fast, Cheap and Out of Control Sunday at Fluid once a month.

Know what kids love other than RnRQB? World Café Live's Peanut Butter & Jams. (Worst transition ever. ) WCL's Hal Real just shot a pilot of such last weekend for an intended TV show, PaJAMers, starring the The Dirty Sock Funtime Band. PBnJam eludes me. I hate children. I hate bands that have fun.

Before Stephen Starr takes over Bleu on 18 come September, can we look forward to live music 'n' perfart taking place in da space?

Sansom streak: Jon Hunter jez renamed his dusky live/danz/perf art club (that Queue place) the Raven, all wall-painted Poe quotes 'n' beating hearts stuffed into floorboards. Bring the absinthe. One block away at 15th and Sansom, Tito "Not a Mirage" Anouti is thisclose to finishing that damn-near-hidden Pulse, the late-night spot that isn't the one he nearly placed at Seventh and Chestnut or the Hooters boat. What fresh hell is this?

Philly's not just for disconsolate Brooklynites anymore. We're getting naughty improv-pop experimentalist couples from Santa Monica. Like beatboxing Zoë and Angel Roche Jr. -- Looner -- who not only drop The Greatest Weakness this week at the North Star, March 24. The Graduate Hospital-area inhabitants got hired by SoundGem to update an entire library of Philly 45s soul classics from the '60s and '70s for Looner -- The Soul Sessions.

Say hiy-yaa to the Minoyabunemons who bring Tokyo's Edo Period cuisine (lotsa centuries ago) to Goji at 20th and Hamilton this week.

For those who don't think Norah Jones is a cardboard nimwit who gives the human voice a lame name, her Little Willies side project is rumored to hit Tin Angel (not WCL?) any sec for a secret snooze, uh, show.

The last time we spied the Nite Lights, Philly's art-snarky lot, they were debating the racist-vs.-satiric implications of a live gig poster's KKK imagery. When they play Bar Noir March 27, they'll simply eat freshly aborted fetuses on stage and forget fliers.

And anyone hear the hate crime hoohah around Ellsworth and Ninth? A Muslim cabdriver's car windows smashed? Now painted-over graffiti reading "Boycott Danish products" due to anti-Mohammed cartoons?

Groove Disques pure-poppers Nixon's Head (with label's babies, The Anderson Council) makes its first live appearance in 2006, March 24, at Silk City with the doubly bubbly Donuts. "This rare early show begins at 7 p.m.," states the schoolmarmish release. My Aunt Mae'll be there -- 94, God bless her.

The Greater Philadelphia Tourism and Marketing Corporation's new emphasis on marketing to lesbians is causing some local tourism types to dub this the "Year of the Lesbian." Yay, lesbians. And after 16 years, Blue Ball Philly's finally committed to throwing a main women's event as well as partnering with the Equality Forum -- making it not only educational but partylicious. Congratulate the lady who helped make it happen, Tracy Buchholz, at her Elevate monthly at Key West, March 25. I'll be there.

WHOWHATWHERE: After Beanie Sigel held his b-day at Red Sky with Jay-Z and Kamal of The Roots in attendance the week previous you'd figure March'd still be mad. So when mogulicious Russell Simmons got to The Net (for a Phatfarm show) then World Fusion for a meet/greet, he got Melvin Sparks, Bernard Hopkins, Allen Iverson, Clifton Davis and Kamal (again). But the messiness at the door? Dag. Dr. Keith. Stop the madness. Opalene-ring-bearing Brini Maxwell, a vision in orange wool at Philadelphia Fish & Co. told me she'll be back as guest lecturer on "'60s interior design" at Drexel May 1. While we're pissed that we missed Gedde "Long Duk Dong" Watanabe at Public House by mere minutes, we did catch James Blunt and his band being laddish at the Waterford after their Tower gig. James left by 12:45 with his lot hanging with the birds. Monkey Bar's Chris Duffy and David Carroll closed down the joint for Sharon Pinkenson and Joan Bressler's Philly Film Office "Set in Philadelphia" screenwriting party for its nonceleb stand-ins for celeb readers like Elizabeth Banks, JC Spink and Jennifer Weiner. Does that mean Weiner's so famous she haddahave a stand-in? What could she have been doing? Wahwah.

Know what you missed? The messiest-evah St. Patty's bash with Irish mug Jimmy Luxury's Brentwood Estates and Ali of Unlikely Cowboy leading the headcharge into woozy Celticania. Hearing the lovably loutish debut of The Poker Show with Chuck Darrow on Talk 950 (WPEN-AM) Saturdays, 5:30 to 7 p.m. Seeing kids in yarmulkes sucking nitrous from balloons behind Transit/EF parking lot when Matisyahu played. The Bawdy Girls' Mustachio bash at 218 with Gringo Motel. Everybody wearing a mustache -- jez like Man Man. You'll never have these moments again.