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You cannot escape PFF. Good. I love the Fest: the films, the fact that my head's been spinning from anxious directors and actors pressing me to see, to be. Thing is, well, I wanted more draaaama. I wanted Larry Fishburne to throw a diamond-encrusted phone at my head after I told him he was still-a-lil chunky from those Matrix shoots (that red pill musta been concentrated bacon). I need Susan Sarandon—for the 20 minutes she's here—to get pissed when I tell her Botox is the solution, not the problem. The only thing lamer than Lee Daniels' Shadowboxer was his party at 2021. (But, oooh: A source close to the action told me that TLA filed suit in municipal court on-or-abouts March 28 against the Roxy Screening Room—which TLA used to own—for nonpayment of film rentals. Reached for comment, Roxy owner Bernard Neary denied knowledge of the suit. Whatzaa big deal? Other distributors are rumored to be looking for money.) Other than the missing theatricality, all is super in PFFville. Everyone at the smash opening party at Top of the Tower rabidly buzzed about the "Symphony for the Devil" shorts program—especially perf-artist Martin Kaelin's Dr. John and 3-Eyed Jacks guitarist King Jeremy's The Same Result. Then there's April 7's Prince Theater opening of Curtain Call from Philly's James Doolittle. Jim broke the bank to make a vid-doc on Souf Philly's musical theater training center for kids, Curtain Call Creations. What gave him the biggest laugh making Curtain? "Other than quitting my day job to finish the film?" he asks. "The silliest thing was this preteen with an in-depth knowledge of Molly Ringwald's filmography who would refuse to conduct an interview without the support of a piece of smoking incense, which she insisted she put in her mouth not because 'I want to smoke, I put it in my mouth because it smells good.'" TLA's Jay Medley (Betty Whitetrash guitarist) formed a supergroup with big singer Bill Taz (Mama Volume), drummer Bob Bannon (Omegalord) and bassist Pat Polli (Misfit Toys). It's either called Sound Pirates or will be doing some form of plundering.

Sure, G Rich—Philly Film Society-ite/PhiLA Pipeline boss/Surrender Dorothy co-producer—sent out an e-mail last week saying he's looking to buy the RUBA, to turn it into a "dinner cabaret-theater space" and "nonprofit 501(c)(3) Physics Fund Library" (for real, sort of). Because, days later, Rich (who refers to himself as "Sigmund Lubin," the infamous turn-o'-the-century optician/director—don't ask us why) says he's not so so very close to doing the deal and that it could take eons. "There are many levels of support needed before we even consider this," says Rich in a David Carradine/Kung Fu voice.

And while I keep hearing great things about his Philly-shot film, Invincible, hear this: Marky Mark Wahlberg will be shooting here again in September, reveals my beautiful source. Director Antoine Fuqua came to town last week, scouting locations for Shooter. And MTV has teamed up with peeps from My So-Called Life for a due-2007 quirky teen drama The Block. Where's it shooting? Primarily in Media for the next several weeks. What's it 'bout? Lots of 15-year-old kids and their parents. Real World it ain't.

Lastly, Beth Pinker has left her PR position with Allied Advertising for one in L.A. with Focus. Kisses and misses.

Speaking of 2021 (like 436 words ago), its ex-owner, Mick Houston—manager at Jack's Firehouse—bought Jack's; house, fire and all.

John Stango drinks the NoLibs Kool-Aid and hosts his next show of newbie painting, "Absolut Stango," at Bart Blatstein's Tower Investments Gallery (969 N. Second St.) April 7.

Somebody's Baby baby Doug Wallen'll actually pay to get L.A.'s pop-psych Irving to his M Room monthly, April 6. He must luuuv Death in the Garden.

WHOWHATWHERE: Sung to the tune of "Daft Punk Is Coming to My House" we hear Extreme Makeover: Home Edition jagoff Ty Pennington was barely at the Haldeman Avenue rehab of the Py family home—not during construction; not much before the taping last week. We've heard lots about director Morgan Spurlock apologizing at Hatboro-Horsham High School. But there's been little press regarding Clerks director Kevin Smith at U of P, where he called Reese Witherspoon a "cunt" and talked up his Silent Bob co-star Jason Mewes' purported suckfuckfest with Nicole Richie. Look for Jodie Foster to call U of P grads "douche bags" when she gives May 15's commencement address to Penn's 250th graduating class.

Philly Mag's Sabrina Rubin Erdely's Brooklyn-based bro, Sammy Rubin, has an electro-karaoke syn-pop duo, Project Jenny Project Jan whose L'Etage debut, April 6, promises to kick ass if his downloads from www.ProjectJennyProjectJan.com are proof.

No meat loaf. Yes DJs. That's Joe Beckham and Giancarlo DiPasquale's outlook for their urban comfort food-filled Alfa that officially opens underneath Walnut Room April 6.

More trash than usual outside its Walnut Street offices? That's cuz Gyro Advertising (and its gallery/T-shirt offshoot Sailor Jerry) is moving into the 13th Street porn emporium building come June. Also ready soon: Johnny Brenda's Northern Liberties Neighborhood Association-approved live space. Finally!

Remembering: While Janet Bressler holds her annual Alan Mann Tribute April 8 at World Café Live with her own new band and multioctave diva Stephanye Wright's seven-man PenDaNa, restaurant PR lady Patti Klein marks the second anniversary of the passing of John Mannino, her lovely partner in life-and-business, with the Greater Philadelphia Hotel Association's April online auction of $1,000 worth of foodstuff (www.PhiladelphiaHotelAssoc.org) to benefit the John Mannino Scholarship Fund at Temple's School of Hospitality and Tourism.