Councilman Rick Mariano has started cooperating with federal prosecutors, perhaps in exchange for a more lenient sentence following his conviction on corruption charges. Proving, we guess, that "honor among thieves" is just another kind of ethics. Plus 2

Gov. Rendell declares a moratorium on developing state-owned property on the Delaware waterfront. Retroactive to 1991. Even

To cut energy costs, PA state workers are no longer allowed to have coffeemakers, potpourri burners, curling irons or space heaters in their cubicles. Except the governor, who clutched his potpourri burner tightly and yelled, "Get your damn hands off my Chex Mix warmer." Even

Freemasons march through Old City to commemorate the death of Ben Franklin. All who witnessed it vanished mysteriously by morning, their loved ones strangely unable to put their finger on just what, if anything, was different. Plus 1

South Philly actress who appeared in Rocky and Rocky V sues Sylvester Stallone, claiming she was promised a role as the love interest in Rocky Balboa. Meanwhile, at a press conference downtown, Paulie's Robot from Rocky IV says he wants in on the wireless plan or he will "break" the city. Minus 1

The grave of a woman buried next to the man who killed her 20 years ago is vandalized as the body is being exhumed in Feltonville Cemetery. "That was us," shrug Freemasons. "We ate her. We eat corpses. We have always eaten corpses and we always will." Minus 3

John Dougherty tells Michael Nutter to either drop out of the mayoral race or officially enter it and step down from City Council, as required by law. "The third option," says Doc: "Join me, and I will complete your training. With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict, and bring order to the galaxy." Plus 1

Total pluses: 4

Last week's total: 4