You know which one I am, so of course I needed to learn as much as possible about the made-for-broadband series hosting open-call auditions tomorrow through Sunday at Club Flow (700 N. Columbus Blvd., www.naps.tv).

"It's like Real World meets Surreal Life meets Star Search," says Wenhold of the weekly show, set to roll out in late summer. The contest, which has a finale broadcast live from Vegas, carries a $25,000 purse and a co-starring role in a feature-length porno for one male and one female winner.

A hometown boy with 14 acres in Skippack, Wenhold held test auditions here last summer, and glory hallelujah, hoes of Philly, made us the first stop on NAPS' official search for the country's top cum guzzler.

Auditioners should be prepared to strip down to their skivvies, answer questions about their favorite sex toys and divulge intimate details of their oral, anal and vaginal histories. While lookin' good is always important, Wenhold says personality and special talents will give contestants a winning edge. (Note to self: Work on auto-cunnilingus.)

Wenhold is no stranger to sexual exploration, but NAPS marks his first foray into commercial porn. A seasoned businessman with serious bragging rights (in the past he's inked deals with Sony, Viacom and Marvel Enterprises), he's already got plans to roll out audio podcasts, blooper reels, R-rated moan tones and spin-off series. (My TiVo can't wait for Next American Mature Gay Bondage Star.)

Not your typical fuck-and-suck subscription site, viewers will pay an estimated $15.95 a month and vote weekly for their favorite stars. They also help select fantasies for the contestants to act out and suggest pairings for future rounds. The idea is to get people involved and hooked in what Wenhold calls the "water-cooler effect," i.e. nine-to-fivers discussing their favorite porn stars around the office cubes the way they'd rehash an episode of Desperate Housewives.

I ask if there's any chance a William Hung type could hump his way to victory on sympathy votes alone, but Wenhold says curveball challenges are designed to separate the wheat from the shaft. Of course, he's also banking on the kind of melodramatic debauchery viewers have grown to expect from any show involving regular schmoes. There's even a "confessional booth" to encourage backbiting, backstabbing, barebacking, whatever.

All contestants must submit to an STD screening prior to filming, and while condom use won't be enforced on set, participants are asked to refrain from sex outside the show. Wenhold says it's a rule that'll only work to the aspiring porn stars' advantage. "If you blow your load right away on camera, you're gonna lose," he laughs. "No mulligans."

Word that one supremely slutty Philadelphian could potentially be America's next porn star has spread fast. Inquiries to date have come from waitresses, theater techs, office workers and even a restaurant owner with a drawing of a vagina and the word "porn" tattooed across his chest.

"I haven't heard from the vice president of Commerce Bank yet," laughs Wenhold, "but I'm still hoping."

Questions? Comments? Is your idea of reality porn Flavor Flav in a clock necklace and nothing else? E-mail ashlea.halpern@citypaper.net. No phone calls.