After Inky criticizes the city's failure to release its bird flu plan, a draft of the document is released. "We're always trying to please the press," says Mayor Street. "In fact, the plan is based largely on Philadelphia Weekly's 'pigeons are adorable wittle cutie-pies' story from last week. What? No good?" Minus 6

Chester County-owned horse Barbaro wins Kentucky Derby. "Good luck with that bird flu," says Barbaro, galloping off into the sunset. Plus 5

According to the Inky, Philadelphia International has the worst on-time performance of any major U.S. airport. "Perhaps they'd prefer landing in Baltimore and driving up? Or maybe Newark?" asks airport spokesperson. "Fuck 'em. Fuck 'em all. Fuck every last one of 'em." Minus 4

Donald Trump unveils plan for high-rise condo tower on Delaware River. Trump asked to put his pants back on. Plus 1

Cop delivers baby in car on Vine Street Expressway. "That's what I call a gaper delay," says KYW's Pat Winters. Plus 4

U.S. Olympic Committee, on the hunt for host cities, stops by Philadelphia. "Actually," confesses committee president, "we're only here because we missed our connecting flight." Plus 1

American Society of Engineers gives PA a 'D' when it comes to roads and general infrastructure. PA gives ASE a 'D' when it comes to partying in OC with the NSA honeys from NJ. Minus 4

Audit shows the Inquirer's circulation is down 5 percent, and the Daily News 9 percent, compared to last year. Daily News introduces new character columnist, the Phantom Reader. Inky adds hilarious new comic "Hi & Lois & Muhammad." Minus 3

Total pluses: 11

Last week's total: -11