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When I feel poetic, I haiku. You haiku. You just don't know it: Damn that Whole Foods, man/ I went expecting chai tea/ Uncaffeinated. That's haiku. Another? Delicate flower/ I exist only for you/ So suck my dick, yo. Something topical? Britney-Kevin split/Taylor makes a sweet Idol/Rednecks is awesome. Doubleday Broadway Books is doing hipster haikus for a book they're publishing in October. They need a few more by June 8, so visit www.hipsterhaiku.com. In the spirit of local rad-ness, here's a few: My Pabst and your ass/ Two cans I'll crush with my love/ Ray's Happy Birthday. Or Capitol Years signed/ Park the Van inked the deal, right/ They'll sell weed to live. Or, Blogging with Sweeney/ How old is Valania?/ Joe! DEATH INSURANCE! Or Making Time turns six/ Pianka? June 10, Transit/ Note to self: Buy meth. Enter now, snarf-y.

'Member summer Sundays '05 at Le Jardin? Sweet, deep house music? The breezes? No? All mimosa drunked? 'K. The guy who made the soundtrack to your sunshine was Lee Jones. Now Lee's bubbling at Bubble House (3404 Sansom) at 3 p.m. and Swanky Bubbles (10 S. Front St.) at 10 p.m.—every Sunday (www.sundaephiladelphia.com.). The ol' man's gwanna get heatstroke.

HI! BYE!: Souf Philly's Alex Richmond dumped her pop-cult column at The Trentonian (because the world just takes and takes and never gives back?) to managing edit Philly-based NAPCO's Home Furnishing Business mag and rub-a-dub fleur-de-lis stylee. Though he'll still boss Millcreek Tavern, Ben Morgan dumped sound-man shifts at World Café Live so to spend more time with Bryan Dilworth's wife, Kristin Thomson (Dilworth's gwanna punch your face, Morgan!) and her partner in Tsunami and the Future of Music Coalition, Jenny Toomey (he'll still slide you one), as a special ops policy wonk for the FMC. 'Zat sexy? "Funny—calling it 'special operations' is supposed to make it sound sexier," says Morgan, who likes debating controversies that affect the music industry more than watching most shows. "It might not sound appealing, but it's more exciting than another booking job." And Dave Niedbalski? You didn't even know he was sick. But there he is, leaving the Keswick Theatre's marketing department for EFC.

Alterna world—Fuse TV is looking for you. Inn'at funny? Like most North Americans, you keep hearing about the un-MTV only to find it as ungettable as the Silurian moth or as understandable as Meat Loaf's affliction during American Idol. But "the nation's only music-centric, viewer-influenced television network "is rumored to be soon looking for Philly bands and venue thingies for a mid-July Fuse-fest.

Flaming Lips're announcing a July 16 Philly date. Guess who's sponsoring?

Little records: US Funk Team—Philly's snazziest squawk rawkers—drop a pre-summer CD EP of demos and live tracks. Where? Only at their farewell Philly (long tour, you know) June 1, First Unitarian Church. And if it's Thursday, Phil Moore Browne must've dropped another harmolodic gos-punk-el EP. 'Motel Moore: Baggage Smasher. It's live debut? Tritone, June 6.

Art Jaw's not what you get from going down on a painting significant other. It's a new site (www.artjaw.com) from sculptress Shelley Spector looking to yank the fartiness out of the artsy-fartsy with humanizing tales from Philly's gallery world.

Forget the rumor that Sirius is cozying to the ChannelChaos.com radio show he does weekly. Michael "Dirty Diamond" Hans is mine; headlining every first 'o' the-month for A.D.'s new Thursday weekly perf-art jawn, The Wiggle Room, at the Raven, starting June 1, with DJ Evan. Rude word maven Danny Ozark and cabaret doyenne Nicki Jaine follow suit.

Must-See Tuesday: Charlie Gracie: Fabulous!—that oft-mentioned documentary on the Philly rockabilly avatar—gets its television debut June 6 on WHYY 12.

Solomonic Sound, Philly's holier-than-house 'n' dub night from Worship labelmates DJs Rob Paine and Willyum held court at Filo's Fridays for six years. Boom. Filo's closes. But a little shutdown don't stop the show: Solomonic moved Fridays to Lickety Split and they dropped two divine CDs: their Federation Vs. Solomonic Inna Dubplate Clash Stylee and a new mix CD of pals like Pete Moss, Hollis Monroe and more, WOR.CD.02.

WHOWHATWHERE: Those kids singing a Rodney Whittenberg song outside N. 3rd weren't trying to spite Mark Bee for buying Silk City. They was filming a commercial for Bee's N. 3rd with Marc Brodzik who must owe Bee money if the name-atop-the-credits director shot that! Siike. After her private performance at BEN 95.7 FM's birthday party (with actual people!) at World Café Live with C&C Music Factory (!?), gorgeous Jody Watley got whisked to the Walnut Room by King Britt. Snuggle that! Emil deJohn gets a coupla mentions in WWD (two times, one month) for his Drexel U student designs and look what happens: DU's fashion students' year finale runway show at Crystal Tea Room gets a visit from the fash-forward designing flash mob, Heatherette. Not to be outdone, Mural Arts director Jane Golden took Rhino designer Marc Ecko on a runway of her own—Philly muralville. Look for Ecko's new line to feature the Geator? And Camden Police, someone saw you: Peeps report that after the first of Pearl Jam's sold-out Tweeter shows (the one with donations going to Philly's Innocence Project, not the Spiral Q one) a simple spat between a couple ("A guy, a girl; you can tell they were in love," said our witness) turned messy as two cops jumped the boy from behind, knocked him to the ground, kicked and cuffed him while the girl followed, upset. (Camden police say they have no record of an incident, no witnesses, and no arrests fitting that description at that time.) "When I shouted at the cops, they yelled back, 'Shut the fuck up,'" said our spy. Dag. Did the cops whack some marionettes the next night?

(a_amorosi@citypaper.net)