Two SEPTA regional rail trains collide head-on, injuring 30. "This is a head-on collision town," says one train operator, "and I'm a head-on collision guy." Minus 5

Once opposed to the idea, the Pa. Restaurant Association now calls for a statewide smoking ban. "Know what we also like? Waffles!" says spokesperson. "And you know where we stand on flip-flops!" Plus 2

Lil' Kim is released from prison. We've been waiting for her to get sprung from the booby hatch. Even

Rick Mariano's lawyer and friends ask a federal judge for a reduction in the former councilman's sentence. "In fact," they say, "we could really make it worth your while. Need any electrical work done?" Even

Safe Corners, the latest addition to Operation Safer Streets, involves citizens standing on street corners in troubled areas. "I guess it's all relative," says one volunteer. "For instance, Operation Safe Living Room seemed a lot safer." Plus 2

Now in its fourth year, the Kimmel Center has finally turned a profit. Thanks mostly to theme nights like Lazer Mahler, Tchaikovsky Jawn and Bach 2 Basics. Plus 5

A custody battle is brewing between the Katrina-uprooted family who used to own a dog and the Doylestown family who adopted him after the storm. "Even I think Doylestown is declasse," says dog. "And I eat my own feces." Minus 2

The city expands its recycling program in the Northeast, adding cardboard and plastic, and eliminating the need to separate. Rejoice, Rhawnhurst! Finally, you can recycle your wine-in-a-box in one easy step! Plus 2

Total pluses: 11

Last week's total: -2