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www.alibinetwork.com

On the telephone, Mike DeMarco is as smooth and likable as you'd expect a professional liar to be. As the spokesman and vice president of marketing for Alibinetwork.com, he needs to know just how thick to lay on the brown stuff. Alibi Network is a Chicago-based Internet agency that will help you conjure and carry out an airtight alibi for any deed that your wicked mind may think of — so long as it's legal. "We won't do anything that will put us on the wrong side of the law," DeMarco says, adding that it's not illegal to make fake documents for fake businesses. Services can cost anywhere from $35 for a one-time "rescue call" to thousands of dollars for labor-intensive custom alibis.

You want to take your secretary to Key West for a long weekend and make the wifey think you are at a business conference in Gary, Indiana? Done. Alibi Network can provide a legit-looking hotel confirmation or a business conference itinerary you can place on the kitchen counter to allay your spouse's pesky suspicions.

Sounds evil, doesn't it? DeMarco counters that the service can be used for good as well. He claims that it is not uncommon for a young woman with limited resources to contact his agency to help her escape an abusive relationship. Not to mention that creating effective deception goes beyond a simple lie. DeMarco says that he might tell one of his alibi creators, "We need a script saying this and this in a Chicago dialect," in order to make a fake phone call more authentic.

Which got us thinking: Lots of famous Philadelphians could have used an excuse, a false document here and there to get out of a jam or spruce up their image. Here are a few we cooked up for 'em:

The Situation: Shot in the arm — which is kind of weak in the hardcore hip-hop world. Come on, Fiddy took a shot in the face.

The Solution: Have the Alibi Network create the impression (pay attention, young MCs) that you got shot in or around a vital organ. Let's say your kidneys. Then they could provide faux hospital bills and receipts for a home catheter system, 'cause nothing spells street cred like pissy camos.