If you are a fan of mocking black metal, then make sure your ass is home late Sunday night watching Metalocalypse on Adult Swim. This cartoon has changed my life. It's much funnier than Aqua Teen Hunger Force and Spike Lee's When the Levees Broke. So while I wait for reruns of 9/11 shows, the only real thing to watch on TV is Metalocalypse. Metal.

I live for KFC's variety bucket. You get three KFC faves, like extra crispy chicken, wings and chicken strips. Problem is, I've learned that if you are planning to take it to a party, or someone's house, you've got to buy two of them. Because when you stop at the first traffic light, you eat the strips; then at the next, the wings. By the time you show up at the party, you enter with a bucket of some chicken bones and scraps, and some fat bitch rats you out and tells the other guests all of your chicken-eatin' business. And that's the reason KFC gives you a spork — so you can cut her.

A South Philly kid who was intoxicated with every aspect of theater from an early age, Joe Stefano's (1922-2006) claim to fame may ultimately be that he decided to show us what Marion Crane was up to before she decided to take a shower when he adapted Robert Bloch's Psycho for Alfred Hitchcock. But my special fondness for his work will always reside in the episodes he penned for TV's original sci-fi noir The Outer Limits in the 1960s. The intros he wrote for the show's "Control Voice" — grand speeches about "the passion in the human heart" and other outmoded notions — now seem as if they came from another, more refined age.