It's the All Underground Explosion Bell Curve!

Channel 10, man on the street interview: "I noticed the black smoke coming out of the manhole cover, so I called my building man, and said, 'You better come down here, this building is on fire or underneath is on fire.'" Says building man: "I called police man. I think he called fire man. I think mail man was just walking by." Minus 3

Daily News: "Manhole covers started dancing in the street, flames shot up 10 feet in the air and plumes of smoke belched from below ground." Dear god, the streets ran purple with prose. Minus 8

Channel 3: "That blast under Ranstead Street, between 15th and 16th, snarled traffic and forced the evacuation of thousands of office workers." Quick-thinking Sbarro manager man concocts Fire Down Below Calzone special. Minus 2

Inky: "Peco Energy Co. spokesman Cameron Kline described the cause of the fire as a 'giant short.'" "Like these jams I'm wearing," says Kline. "They really show off my calves and my BKs, don't they?" Plus 2

Philly Future: Eyewitness account by "Karl": "I made a quick call to my wife, to let her know what was going on, and that I was okay." "Oh thank the lord Jesus Christ who saves and protects us," says Karl's wife. "I feared that this tiny little fire that didn't even interrupt subway service or take an hour to put out might have, you know, killed you." Plus 3

Daily News: "'This is f---ing unbelievable,' sighed a middle-aged businessman in a gray suit as he complained about being unable to reach his car." "Are you there God? It's me, Karl. I'll never swear again, just get me home on the R5 in one piece!" Plus 8

Channel 6: "A street vendor described the chaos as '9/11 all over again.'" "I sold a lot of hot dogs that day." Plus 10

Total Pluses: 23
Total Minuses: 13
This Week's Total: 10
Last Week's Total: -67