Where We Won't Be

Ocean County Decoy and Gunning Show

by A.D. Amorosi

Sat.-Sun., Sept. 23-24, 7 a.m.- 5 p.m., free, Tip Seaman County Park, 120 Lakeside Dr.; Pinelands Regional High School, 595 Nugentown Rd.; and Tuckerton Seaport, 120 West Main; all in Tuckerton,N.J., 609-971-3085

This year's decoy bonanza offers local artisans the opportunity to get creative … by showing off shoddily painted fake wooden ducks. Overly simplistic artistic renderings (Donald, Tailspin, etc.) don't do the real quackers justice. Seriously, damn, have y'all seen an actual duck? Bills and wings and webby feet—shit is complex.

If fowl foolery isn't your bag, though, there's always the calling contest, where grown folks who may or may not live with their parents emulate the aforementioned bird. The winner gets shipped to Arizona for the world championships.

Brush up, hunter-gatherers—here's your chance to finally leave the state.